answer: no, i wasn't that näive.

a while back, i wrote a post about waylon's girl wondering if i had been that näive when i was a little girl [read: in my early 20's]. well, i've realized that i probably wasn't. mostly i came to the realization on my own, because i know myself, i know how my brain has functioned, and i recall the depths into which my mind had been stolen on several occasions. the difference between myself and ms. knowitallandthensome, is that i actually educate myself when i ponder.

when i wanted to learn about say, the music industry, i paid attention. i went to the library. i asked questions. i didn't spew half stewed 'truths' to the world because i was aware that i could probably be better informed. i still am that way. i think the person who thinks they know every absolute truth on one or many subjects is the dumbest one in the room. i am all for voicing my opinion, and do so regularly, but i will let myself learn - i actively seek knowledge daily. tharen even notices the antsy disposition that i have about myself when i haven't anything to read in the house...i'm pretty sure i mentioned not too long ago about how i re-read my favorite book?...and i'd do it again when i have to, and i will have to. wow, do i ever digress alot. OOP! the a.o.a.d.d. is flaring up again!

i usually don't even get into stating opinions if i'm not certain. if i AM certain, though? i'll debate happily. properly. i also happen to be a yeller, so when the rules of engagement get crossed, i tend to resemble my emulate, the battering ram. (be nice!)

while i realize i should be more like:




the intelligent player, slowly calculating...



when i get into it, i'm usually more like:



nudging you with my knowledge, to put it nicely. you've seen what they do when they fight, right? i'm awed by that power, and tend to feel that way when i whip my posts.
wow. that sounded kinky. cool.


being wrong isn't a character flaw. the flaw exposes itself when the character starts being an asshole upon realizing the wrong.

i'm comfortable with being wrong...i just never am! (kidding!) (sort of!) but still. i don't act like a tit when i am.

anyways, the thing that brought me to this post was a little blurb in today's paper titled, 'in the world of miss universe' by doug camilli. the first line reads: "seriously?" and i can't agree more. WTF is with the world today? i am SO gonna have to write the epic 'blog on my feelings about it one day. damn, why are so many of the kids of today so idiotic and self centered?!?

i guess miss dayana mendoza, 22, this year's reigning miss universe went to guantanamo bay to cheer up some US troops! what a good girl. i'm sure she pulled up with a full tummy in her air conditioned, chauffered ride feeling really good about what she was about to accomplish. i mean really! what lucky girl gets to say she's been to a place that *gasp* president oBAMa talks about? [one link to why i feel sick]

"um, i like, heard about some *hair toss* tortures and icky things happening here, and um, that's like, *hand up* wack, and you burly boys totally didn't deserve that! i'm not even going to listen to all the nasty things that get said about your bosses! those pictures are totally like, photoshopped or something retarded. my friend skylar does that for like, work! isn't mr. barrack like, closing this place or something? yay! *sky punch* so, you can go home, and everything will be sooo cool! i'm soooo excited for you! *clapclapclap* it's almost summerrrrrrrrr!"*jigglejiggle*

kidding. i don't know if that's what she said, but i wouldn't doubt it.

wanna know what i DO know? after her appearance, she wrote in her 'blog about it. you know, about how when you think of gitmo all you can see is how "relaxing, calm and beautiful it is there?" see the quotations? that's a quote.

anyway, this was supposed to be some light hearted sillybitch bashing, but fuck...am i ever sick of little minds. that's why i tend to stay away from people sometimes. well, alot of the time. this is one chicken that does NOT mind being alone.

here's a poem, copyright, ME!

Thinking without reason -
there's a psyche somewhere
indulging in the depths
into which my mind's been stolen.

The happenings inside my eyes
are i think the realease of the panic monger.
Maybe the day when they cease to stun me,
I'll be laughing in my face.

©cmdec'92

~

hopefully...

...some old codger, or perhaps simple sam, maybe even a basic betty - any with money to burn - will happen across my blog and feel inspired.

feel inspired to grant wishes, that is.

see, teague here wants to write.
about stuff.
for a living.
...or at least a comfortable, fulfilling existance.

maybe i shall score with the blog browsers and get straight to the source - a publishing house extraordinaire! (please, sweet jeezuz! i've gots lots of material, and loads to say!)

i wouldn't be able to endeaver this on my own for at least 5 years due to our crushing bill load every month. truck and loans are to be paid off by then, so i will have the funding to properly shop my brain wares.

publishing would be an egotistical dream-mare come true! one way or the other, it WILL happen. technically, it already happened when i was 21 or something in a poetry library. i entered a 'contest' and supposedly out of thousands of applicants, hundreds got chosen with me being a lucky one.

in reality, it was an actual book. my parents and i each have a copy and it's a great big thing. the publisher said my poem went along with their 'approved themes' because it was about god. what they didn't realize is that it was MY version of god; but it was published, and here it is:

We are innocent,
we are pure.
We pray to God
and he says, "Yeah, right. Sure!"

It comes to me in
the peak of the night
to play with my head and
leave me dreading the
inevitable fright.


I may be innocent.
I could be pure.
But if I ever prayed to God,
he'd say, "Yeah, right! Sure."

©cmsept'91 (me)

Wiki says: The archangel Gabriel serves as a messenger from God. he first appears in the Book of Daniel in the Hebrew Bible. In some traditions he is regarded as one of the archangels, or as the angel of death. He is also known as Saint Gabriel to some Christian denominations.

Christians and Muslims believe him to have foretold the births of John the Baptist and Jesus. Islam further believes he was the medium through whom God revealed the Qur'an to Muhammad, and that he sent a message to most prophets, if not all, revealing their obligations. He is called the chief of the four favoured angels and the spirit of truth, and in some views Gabriel is the same as the Holy Spirit. Gabriel also finds mention in the writings of the Bahá'í Faith, most notably in Bahá'u'lláh's mystical work Seven Valleys.

yeah. so anyway, it turned out that the company gave out scholarships and stuff, but i'm sure it was only to people who spent their $cashola$ on the things they were trying to sell. for instance, i got a letter from them saying that the cadence of my piece was suitable for audio recordings, and would i be interested in having my poetry orally recorded? all i had to do was buy at least one copy and i could be on it! oh, joy. yeah. i've got somethin' you can do orally...

no, i didn't go for it.

then, there was the 'best of the decade' publication, or something like that. same deal. that was when i stopped opening their mail. i figured, if it was important enough, they had my phone #, right? they could call, i could screen it, and we'd all be happy! needless to say, they stopped sending mail, and i didn't get rich off my musings.

a big part of the reason i didn't want to do anything further with it is because it was from a poem that i half stole from my cousin when i was like, 16! I, um, extended on her one stanza work? hers was good and mine was better, but i always think of that. lesson learned! they are different pieces in their own right, and i suppose i could say hers inspired mine, but i'm not sure. honestly, i don't really remember the circumstance clearly, other than that i had really admired a few lines she had written down.

i need something of mine in print. something of mine from beginning to end, wonderfully bound, and with an enticing cover photo. if you ever see anything with the name teague rossdale, buy it, love it, and then tell all your friends about it, okay? thanks!

teague
= gaelic ~ poet
= welsh ~ fair, beautiful

ross
= americanized version of jewish 'rose'

dale
= middle english ~ valley
= irish ~ blind

i take it to mean:

'poet of the roses in the blind valley'

...or something like that.p.s. if i had any idea how to use photoshop, these pictures would have been somehow merged!...or this one:

~

a poem, if you will...

bear with me, friends...this is the first poem with nature as a stimulus that i have ever written, with a glimpse of the scene that inspired it....


Today is the Day I Awoke



Mossy trees
with ancient grace
towering up above me.
Chirpy birds
are feeding babes
ducking through clouds, they flee.

Dewey grass
perking right up
again greeting spring, I see.
Cool filtered sun
shyly peeking,
I have a commodity.

Crazy boys
on the other hand,
trash my reverie.
Bounding down
the puddled road,
abandoned sense of carefree.

Life awaits -
way far away,
saddled with calamity.
I awake -
now spring is here.
To nature I pay MY fees.

~teague2009march


(c) cb'09

i shall return.