radiated lollipop, anyone?

cancer fucking sucks the big one!

i'm having a hard time with things today (actually the last few days). i'm stretched beyond far with my thoughts for my brother and his family. millie's mom has been moved to a palliative care facility for the last of her time in her body on earth. she's no longer receiving any treatment, and is just wanting help in dealing with all her final issues, including pain. i feel sad and disconnected at the same time. shock would be a word i could use for how i felt after talking to my brother the other day when he called with the news. at the end of our conversation, when we usually exchange some sort of abusive banter - mostly him telling me specifically how to flip the bird to tharen - he instead said he wanted a hug. that is such a foreign thing - for the phone, anyway. mostly sounds sweet, i know, but that's not usually how it is with us. we love each other and everything, but we often find our joy in abusing each other good heartedly! it pains my heart to think of my brother feeling vulnerable, and i know he's just drowning his sorrows so that he doesn't have to feel much. he's already an alcoholic, so who knows how this will all play out for him. worse? better? all i know is that he's in pain watching his wife and her family suffering through muriel's pain, confusion and helplessness. i can't even imagine.

muriel and her husband had some grand plans for her last few months....they knew she's dying, but assumed they'd have a bit more time. even though she was advised against travel, they decided they were going to try vegas for a last hurrah. turns out that won't be happening - she's just too sick. she's already been without treatment for about a month now because she wants to at least be able to enjoy some of her time. chemo made her so sick, it was horrible. that means that the cancer will be allowed to take over, but at least they'll be able to manage her pain. she wasn't guaranteed any more time, regardless of the radiation or chemo.

they had it well thought out. first, they went to a local casino for the weekend, then they were planning a short flight to see how she handles the altitude, to culminate with a trip to nevada, but no more. she must remain in canada, i suppose to help with issues that could arise if she died on american soil. poor woman. i am at such a loss. i don't know what to say. i'm going out to tend to my brother's tendings, as millie is at her mom's side and the kids need some attention. harry is staying out of the house as much as possible now that he's back working most days, but life is going on, as it always will. it's the way of this world and the path all of our souls will eventually take one day.

~
p.s.
my wish for the 11th of 11 consecutive posts @ 11:11
is for this little slice of hell to be over with.

come ON, spirit guide! too much time is wasting away.
you and lady nature get figurin' & work it out, already!
~

bad hard drive, ba a-a-ad!

i realize that i have some new followers, but my hard drive has imploded! i would SO love to be impressing my skillz on you now, but alas....technology bites! we humans must not forget that these wondrous machines were built by HUMANS! i choose to believe that you're entertaining yourself in my archives in the meantime. (!)

so my good friend the wizard is over fixing me up. i happen to be on his brand new little net book thing right now...well, it's not a net book...it's an 'ece pc'. I LIKE IT! i want one, i want one! i'm pretty sure that the wizard will have me up and running soon, but i have to admit, i was a little excited thinking of the new possibilities with all the 'blogging while camping' i could do! ....and at the beach...and in the yard....and while driving.....ah, mother's day is soooooon...(and i mean while tharen is driving, btw!)
my book will be born!

so, anyway, i just wanted to give a little update here...i'll be back soon. i regularly like to blog daily and take weekends off, just so you know. i'll make you laugh, i'll make you cry.

speaking of which, the crying thing....i have a cancer update and it sucks - sucks it huge. check the links to catch yourself up, and i'll fill you in when my operating system is systematically operating.

stay tuned, and take care...

p.s. if anyone runs into janis on here, tell her to call me! (damn it!) :) -byebye,netbook!

~

just me, my wine and my ER, thank you

a well played out era is over. ER's dynamic was often sought after, but never matched.

examined, emulated, expanded, yet never exalted.
it is difficult, if not impossible to match the happenings inside the minds of michael crichton and john wells, among the rest of the stellar crew - executive or otherwise.

last night delivered the end, and i've been there since the beginning. every season except part of 1999, i think. my job aside the pre-game ballet stage serving the finest of gentlemen every thursday, friday and saturday kept me away only when i would forget to record it. damned strippers! i'm pretty sure i have some copies on good ol' vhs, so i'll be okay until christmas when i get my seasons 1-15 ER dvd's! *kidding!* i'd want seriously cooler presents in the real world. santa knows me...he knows what i like.

i did miss this year's season opener that has dr. pratt dying, but that's ok...i was at a gig of tharen's, and youtube is my friend.

this record setting, ground breaking t.v. series was the shit! out of 122 emmy nominations, they snagged 22 trophies over its 15 season run that ran 10 of those seasons consecutively in the top ten. please inform me if anyone has done better than that, but i don't think so.

michael crichton, the show's creator, is also one helluva book author & he based ER's pilot episode on his own experiences as a fledgling medical professional. i'm sure that's what made it more believable, as the man has a gift for drawing you into his stories. take a click on the link i provided above to find out more about a man who lived a beautiful life and now rests in peace during the same year his greatest creative baby must lie down. mr. crichton's loves lost him to cancer. (click here to see how i feel about that subject.)

john wells is well...pardon the pun, mostly 'cause it wasn't funny. he was the show's co-creator, head writer and executive producer, and well deserved of all accolades. wells also produced and wrote for china beach, a show that ran on ABC for four seasons.

my dad got me hooked on that show back in nineteen eighty fucking nine. *throwin' horns over here!* he had been recording it, and one day i was looking for something to watch so i threw in one of those tapes. i spent the rest of the weekend watching all the shows, and caught it every time i could from there after. it pops up in syndication from time to time, so catch it if you can. it must be on some fancy shmansy yankee satellite channel, so surf away!

out of the parade of thespianage through chicago's county emergency room doors, i'm pretty sure maura tierney's character was my fave. who wouldn't want sally field as a mom? well, the real one...not the wacknut recurring character she played on the show as abby's mother. tierney wasn't an original cast member, but it was a nice surprise when she showed up at county general fresh off the L. the last time i had seen her was on newsradio, one of my favorite all time sitcoms.

abby and i were even pregnant together...how 'bout that? i had my second rugrat at the same time! *girly sqeal* *kidding!* one of the seemingly unimportant details that quite impressed me is how they kept true time. the right length of time passed accordingly, and up to the very last scene involving abby and luka's life, they had kept the child at exactly the same stage as little jared! trivial, i know, but that matters to some people. i can understand somewhat, because honestly i felt a little camaraderie with my buddy abby. if they had opened season 13 with her tyke joe magically being 7 instead of 1, i'm positive that would've been the beginning of the end for me. i hate that.
what other shows have done that?? some, i know, but i can't think of the names...

sometimes i wonder what happened to the fictional patients and their families. like one that i'll always remember is from a storyline with the extraordinary dr. green played by anthony edwards . whatever happened to the family of the labouring mother he was working on who died as he saved the baby? i was pregnant with my first mini stink butt jack and it caused me to question whether or not i should be watching this or any other medical programs! ooo, did i cry?

one my favorite snippets off the reel is from when that prick, dr. romano got smashed by the helicopter just a few short weeks after getting...well, check this out:



what? it could happen.

what the hell am i gonna do on thursday nights now? sleep? pfft. blog!

i say i do a 'song of the week' post.

que pensez-vous ? convenez ?

oop. must vacate the premises!

tharen, the boys and i all have an appointment with the chomper dr. in a while. i hope i don't get run over by an ambulance on my way across the street to grab a coffee! (all you die hards will get that...)

~

answer: no, i wasn't that näive.

a while back, i wrote a post about waylon's girl wondering if i had been that näive when i was a little girl [read: in my early 20's]. well, i've realized that i probably wasn't. mostly i came to the realization on my own, because i know myself, i know how my brain has functioned, and i recall the depths into which my mind had been stolen on several occasions. the difference between myself and ms. knowitallandthensome, is that i actually educate myself when i ponder.

when i wanted to learn about say, the music industry, i paid attention. i went to the library. i asked questions. i didn't spew half stewed 'truths' to the world because i was aware that i could probably be better informed. i still am that way. i think the person who thinks they know every absolute truth on one or many subjects is the dumbest one in the room. i am all for voicing my opinion, and do so regularly, but i will let myself learn - i actively seek knowledge daily. tharen even notices the antsy disposition that i have about myself when i haven't anything to read in the house...i'm pretty sure i mentioned not too long ago about how i re-read my favorite book?...and i'd do it again when i have to, and i will have to. wow, do i ever digress alot. OOP! the a.o.a.d.d. is flaring up again!

i usually don't even get into stating opinions if i'm not certain. if i AM certain, though? i'll debate happily. properly. i also happen to be a yeller, so when the rules of engagement get crossed, i tend to resemble my emulate, the battering ram. (be nice!)

while i realize i should be more like:




the intelligent player, slowly calculating...



when i get into it, i'm usually more like:



nudging you with my knowledge, to put it nicely. you've seen what they do when they fight, right? i'm awed by that power, and tend to feel that way when i whip my posts.
wow. that sounded kinky. cool.


being wrong isn't a character flaw. the flaw exposes itself when the character starts being an asshole upon realizing the wrong.

i'm comfortable with being wrong...i just never am! (kidding!) (sort of!) but still. i don't act like a tit when i am.

anyways, the thing that brought me to this post was a little blurb in today's paper titled, 'in the world of miss universe' by doug camilli. the first line reads: "seriously?" and i can't agree more. WTF is with the world today? i am SO gonna have to write the epic 'blog on my feelings about it one day. damn, why are so many of the kids of today so idiotic and self centered?!?

i guess miss dayana mendoza, 22, this year's reigning miss universe went to guantanamo bay to cheer up some US troops! what a good girl. i'm sure she pulled up with a full tummy in her air conditioned, chauffered ride feeling really good about what she was about to accomplish. i mean really! what lucky girl gets to say she's been to a place that *gasp* president oBAMa talks about? [one link to why i feel sick]

"um, i like, heard about some *hair toss* tortures and icky things happening here, and um, that's like, *hand up* wack, and you burly boys totally didn't deserve that! i'm not even going to listen to all the nasty things that get said about your bosses! those pictures are totally like, photoshopped or something retarded. my friend skylar does that for like, work! isn't mr. barrack like, closing this place or something? yay! *sky punch* so, you can go home, and everything will be sooo cool! i'm soooo excited for you! *clapclapclap* it's almost summerrrrrrrrr!"*jigglejiggle*

kidding. i don't know if that's what she said, but i wouldn't doubt it.

wanna know what i DO know? after her appearance, she wrote in her 'blog about it. you know, about how when you think of gitmo all you can see is how "relaxing, calm and beautiful it is there?" see the quotations? that's a quote.

anyway, this was supposed to be some light hearted sillybitch bashing, but fuck...am i ever sick of little minds. that's why i tend to stay away from people sometimes. well, alot of the time. this is one chicken that does NOT mind being alone.

here's a poem, copyright, ME!

Thinking without reason -
there's a psyche somewhere
indulging in the depths
into which my mind's been stolen.

The happenings inside my eyes
are i think the realease of the panic monger.
Maybe the day when they cease to stun me,
I'll be laughing in my face.

©cmdec'92

~

it was a fishy date

...and i think i smell like shark bait!

i think they're 'off the hook', though - so to speak...*groan*...the sign reads, "blah, blah, blah, not responsible for wet clothes due to shark frenzy."


MAN! did it EVER reek like dinner back there!



warning: i'm very punny, you know.

i went on a date with all my guys tonight to the aquarium store, and it was deadly! heh, literally! jack and jared love it there, but tonight was the first time we got to see the shark feed! ooooo, it was neato mosquito!

first of all, what you see is tank after tank of gorgeousness! tonnes of live coral, weird shit, cool shit, pretty things, suckers, blowers and annihilators. at the very back of the store you'll find the massive 2500 gallon tank full of JAWS babies searchin' for the nearest free lunch or hand, you know...whichever. did it ever go fast! i wonder if they feed them other than the weekly show...something for all you p.e.t.a. folks to pet.

anyway, right after you get past the initial awe, you move on to the second stage, which is: hey! there's like, 5 sharks in here...and a giant eel, AND a great big other somethin' or other! do they have enough room? (answer: NO) . you then slip back into the experience with awe, only to be awakened so rudely when you get splashed with water over the edge of the enclosure from the brutal frenzy going on once the dead fish chunks are dropped in! i thought it seemed kinda gross, what with the smelly chunks and all, but i was hastily corrected by a stray ankle biting six year old that it was "cool", and his 5 year old yard ape little brother wanted to know if i knew that "water is good for me?". snotty little shits! kidding...they were cute 'n' stuff, too.

anyway, once they've all gotten a good chunk (the sharks), there's some peaceful roaming, the odd nudge, and then WHAP! the giant eel springs from his hiding place under the coral, stretches up straight to the water's break the split second he sees an opening and snags the last chunk...he then proceeds to wiggle back down into his makeshift dining room to (gag) do that thing i've seen snakes do when they eat (gag).um, snakes creep me out. eels in water - i can live with 'em, but snakes? things without legs SHOULD NOT move. i once saw my friend feed his giant snake a rabbit in one blocked off room of his house off the living room. i tried not to see it, but out of the corner of my eye, i saw the fucking thing LEAP through the air and snag the bunny. cute, right? (gag) then when i was leaving, i couldn't help but to look over and i saw it fucking gagging in reverse to get the furry fellow down. oh! did i forget to mention the crunch? (gag) but i digress...

here's some loveliness from my evening, enjoy:

see the starfish? it's there!

peek-a-boo, stingray dude!

the electric blue crayfish, elles & g's!









a piranha...scaaaaaary stuff! this one was freakin' out on my camera!

cooooooooooooool.

this one is so super cute it could also almost have
it's own super freakin' cute installment!
i'd leave you with it if...

...i didn't want to know WTF this thing is...anyone?

oh. & i found nemo.

*groan*
~

stupid girl

well. waylon's girl is officially retarded.
i really don't have much else to say about that except:
STFU, silly bitch!

have i mentioned that she's writing music reviews now? i wish i could send you the link to her blog so you could read for yourself how uneducated she seems with the whole music industry. she's taking well known facts and twisting them to have you believe she's just discovered the mystery to the music making machine.

she chose to do a review of tossing logic. stupid, stupid girl. first of all, she's been around for about 42 seconds. second, she don't know shit about shit. third, i wanna smack her.
yeah, the review wasn't glowing with pride for them, but it's more than that. where the fuck does a stupid little girl get the notion that professional musicians give a fuck what she has to say, anyway?

some TL story links for ya:
1
2
3

ah.
she shot her own foot. i shall enjoy...except for when i hear about how waylon feels when he talks about how she referred to his "thoughtless lyrics". i happen to be witness to that man crying in his notebook, that fucking little twat. i am so fucking done even bothering with that one. this is my prediction for the pretty little perfect thing ( i give it 6 years) :fuckin' tool is gonna have all sorts o' baby-daddies! yee-haw!
i betcha....i betcha....

...or this, 'cause our prep schooled casting couch star of the future can't seem to pay the rent... :

...but i could be wrong....and i'd feel so bad....IF i was wrong...

wow, so negative, hey? damn she pisses me off. not totally positive of why, but she rubbed me wrong from dias uno!

there's more on tossing logic in my blog....just search the 'band drama' tag or click the story links that i've ever so graciously provided! i'm sure there'll be more to come! patience, dear me....it can only be a matter of time. patience....he will have a new one to annoy us all soon. i'm sure. i hope. pleeze, gawd, make it so!

~

lost and found

something occurred to me last night and it kept me thinkin'.

sooo, this is just a little somethin' i've made up for you to ponder on this fine day.

ahhh, sunday...


~things lost that will never be found again:

• virginity
• time
• sleep
• trust
• youth
• innocence
• socks& don't forget...
• your lunch

~ things found that were never really lost in the first place:

• your mind
• your keys

and last, but not least...

• cat puke at the bottom of the stairs

~

hopefully...

...some old codger, or perhaps simple sam, maybe even a basic betty - any with money to burn - will happen across my blog and feel inspired.

feel inspired to grant wishes, that is.

see, teague here wants to write.
about stuff.
for a living.
...or at least a comfortable, fulfilling existance.

maybe i shall score with the blog browsers and get straight to the source - a publishing house extraordinaire! (please, sweet jeezuz! i've gots lots of material, and loads to say!)

i wouldn't be able to endeaver this on my own for at least 5 years due to our crushing bill load every month. truck and loans are to be paid off by then, so i will have the funding to properly shop my brain wares.

publishing would be an egotistical dream-mare come true! one way or the other, it WILL happen. technically, it already happened when i was 21 or something in a poetry library. i entered a 'contest' and supposedly out of thousands of applicants, hundreds got chosen with me being a lucky one.

in reality, it was an actual book. my parents and i each have a copy and it's a great big thing. the publisher said my poem went along with their 'approved themes' because it was about god. what they didn't realize is that it was MY version of god; but it was published, and here it is:

We are innocent,
we are pure.
We pray to God
and he says, "Yeah, right. Sure!"

It comes to me in
the peak of the night
to play with my head and
leave me dreading the
inevitable fright.


I may be innocent.
I could be pure.
But if I ever prayed to God,
he'd say, "Yeah, right! Sure."

©cmsept'91 (me)

Wiki says: The archangel Gabriel serves as a messenger from God. he first appears in the Book of Daniel in the Hebrew Bible. In some traditions he is regarded as one of the archangels, or as the angel of death. He is also known as Saint Gabriel to some Christian denominations.

Christians and Muslims believe him to have foretold the births of John the Baptist and Jesus. Islam further believes he was the medium through whom God revealed the Qur'an to Muhammad, and that he sent a message to most prophets, if not all, revealing their obligations. He is called the chief of the four favoured angels and the spirit of truth, and in some views Gabriel is the same as the Holy Spirit. Gabriel also finds mention in the writings of the Bahá'í Faith, most notably in Bahá'u'lláh's mystical work Seven Valleys.

yeah. so anyway, it turned out that the company gave out scholarships and stuff, but i'm sure it was only to people who spent their $cashola$ on the things they were trying to sell. for instance, i got a letter from them saying that the cadence of my piece was suitable for audio recordings, and would i be interested in having my poetry orally recorded? all i had to do was buy at least one copy and i could be on it! oh, joy. yeah. i've got somethin' you can do orally...

no, i didn't go for it.

then, there was the 'best of the decade' publication, or something like that. same deal. that was when i stopped opening their mail. i figured, if it was important enough, they had my phone #, right? they could call, i could screen it, and we'd all be happy! needless to say, they stopped sending mail, and i didn't get rich off my musings.

a big part of the reason i didn't want to do anything further with it is because it was from a poem that i half stole from my cousin when i was like, 16! I, um, extended on her one stanza work? hers was good and mine was better, but i always think of that. lesson learned! they are different pieces in their own right, and i suppose i could say hers inspired mine, but i'm not sure. honestly, i don't really remember the circumstance clearly, other than that i had really admired a few lines she had written down.

i need something of mine in print. something of mine from beginning to end, wonderfully bound, and with an enticing cover photo. if you ever see anything with the name teague rossdale, buy it, love it, and then tell all your friends about it, okay? thanks!

teague
= gaelic ~ poet
= welsh ~ fair, beautiful

ross
= americanized version of jewish 'rose'

dale
= middle english ~ valley
= irish ~ blind

i take it to mean:

'poet of the roses in the blind valley'

...or something like that.p.s. if i had any idea how to use photoshop, these pictures would have been somehow merged!...or this one:

~

the "too freakin' cute" installment

all right.

i'm not really a girly girl, and i don't usually get fluttery over kitties & puppies. babies though? love 'em. all be it with reservation. i DON'T squeal, and they usually don't tick my biological tock, but i LOVE oogilee-googilee-ing them....and they love oogilee-googilee-ing me.

i saw this picture in the newspaper today and i tried to find an online copy to snatch with no luck, so i scanned it....i felt compelled to share, 'cause it's soooo cute.

(don't worry, the whole 'cute' thing doesn't happen often)
(unless it's from my kid....one day he stubbed his toe,

and when i asked him which one, he told me it was the roast beef one!)
(awww)

i'm done. here's the shot:


they're at a massage class in the netherlands with their mommies, and this is part of the cool down segment meant to simulate womb-like conditions. they call these the 'tummy tubs'.

now, is that cute, or what?

oogilee-googilee!

it's 11:11, do u know where your spirit guide is?

have you ever heard the theories behind number repetitions? through actual number patterns, or repeating sequences, people are yielding to the mental pressure [read: stressing] over some phenomena of angel guides that are around in this new age to assist us or something. well, maybe stressing about it is a little egregious. i didn't have enough time to totally dive in, so you can if you're interested. you could be interested. i don't know. maybe you know about it, maybe you think it's bunk. i choose to believe that 11:11 is an excellent opportunity to make a wish. have for some time, actually. i can't remember how it started.

google it, weed out the crazies, and there have actually been some 'credible' speaking done on the subject. one prolific speaker on the topic is uri gellar. i'm sure there's more to read on him out there, but i'm to lazy to do more than wiki right now. it's actually 9:30pm, wednesday, march 25th right now. nothin' special about that! right? right. i just crunched the numbers.

what i did gather was this: preliminary studies done earlier in his career at stanford research institute concluded that he had successfully demonstrated enough paranormal executions to warrant further serious study. the term "geller effect" was coined to refer to the particular type of abilities they felt had been demonstrated.
yes, he claims not to be psychic per say, but a mystifier. ok. good for uri. he has made a career of television and festival appearances. one could be so lucky...

anyway, the 11:11 premise is that you'll notice all sorts of electrical instances occurring.
seeing 11:11 as the time on your clock, for one.
no, no, no, not once, but over and over and over again!

~ that happens to me. it's 10:11 right now. (i've been googlin') that sort of counts to them, i think.


☼
street lights going on and off when you walk by.

~ i thought that happened to everyone. doesn't it?
☼

computer problems with power and stuff.

~ oh, you mean like MY computer that just happens to turn off for no apparent reason all the freakin' time? ...even though i've had the power supply replaced FIVE times, it still happens. coincidence?

oh yeah. did i mention that i LIVE in the wish house? yes. i do. my address is 1111, no lie.

this isn't my picture, but that's no lie.

some people get so passionate about it they'd get it tattooed! huh.

maybe that's why my spirit guides gave me the idea to publish at 11:11...?
marketing, baby!

lemme tell ya - i'm gonna have one helluva wish post on nov.11! (◄---see??)
11/11? *remember*

critics say it's a post-hoc analysis. that is, a study perceived after the fact, and with only that in mind. i'm not so sure that it's dredging for a conclusion to the 'experiments'! it just happens. trust me, i know. this is worldwide. odd phenomena it is, for sure. people have all sorts of things to believe in, and if they're thinking that this world is waking up, well, who are we to stop that energy? well, not me, but maybe you...i hope it doesn't stop.

~peace~