Tuesday, January 27, 2009

sweet, sweet quiet...i love you

it's quiet in here again. jared is napping and jack is over at his friend's house. we were invited too, but i knew i wanted this free time. i really, really, really enjoy my alone time. i used to crank tunes, but now i like it quiet at least for a while, even when the baby isn't here sleeping. if you don't have little boys, you have no idea how constant the frenzied play is or loud it gets. got girlie spawn? squeals aside, you've got it pretty easy until your little miss attitude pants turns into a raging banshee at the tender age of 11. one minute you'll want to cradle her as you snuggle in bed for one of the last few times followed shortly by wanting to brick up the window leaving only 6" holes for fresh air and the doorway to her room with easy food tray access. ensure that phone and computer possession are hers, and she might not even notice. gimme a minute and i'll figure out the bathroom situation....

anyhoo...boys! yeah. they're awesome and i'm glad i have them rather than the all to common hormone bucket syndrome suffered by the female of the species. i'm just not really sure how long this whole autopilot thing is gonna work! lol! at this time i choose not to delve into why i'm positive i got that opinion because of how things were with my own mom. i just don't wanna repeat that, is what i'm sayin'. my own monthly withdraw/attack ebb and flow coupled with my mother's menopausal mania was a treat to endure, holy christ.

*(*this pause was brought to you by a.o.a.d.d*)*
***(*adult onset attention deficit disorder*)***

so. iconoclast, hey? yes, that's a word i like alot. it's kinda how i am most of the time. loosely translated, it means i hate stupid shit and i have an articulate side. it means have a sense of my own ideals and don't parrot popular notions. i live up to what i believe in, as should everyone. if i think something is fundamentally wrong, i've been known to do something about it. through the process of life i've learned that maybe sometimes i could've spoken louder, and sometimes not at all. i've had times where i got too emotionally involved in things that really aren't affecting me and it wound up hurting me instead of solving anything. at one point i thought i should just not care about people anymore. if i wasn't involved with anyone, then i wouldn't know how stupidly their actions were affecting their lives.


I*con"o*clast\, n. [Gr. e'ikw`n image + ? to break: cf. F. iconoclaste.]1. A breaker or destroyer of images or idols; a determined enemy of idol worship. 2. One who exposes or destroys impositions or shams; one who attacks cherished beliefs; a radical.

Synonyms: critic, dissident, image-breaker, non-conformist, questioner, rebel, revolutionist, sceptic

not long into that, i figured out it was wrong thinking. aside from being human and hard wired for interaction, i have kids who need good people around them. people who make good choices most of the time, and have morals as strong as mine. not identical to mine, but as strong. that's important to me. i just remove characters as i see fit and keep living for the three most important men on the planet. but i'm still an iconoclast in every way i take it to mean. there are also definitions of destroying one's religious symbols. it's not like i would vandalize humanity, burn a cross, or some other cretin-like activity, but i'm also not gonna get into any well deserved debate about a book written by a bunch of guys [read: the bible] unless it's before discussing evolution while we picnic beside a documented 10,000 year old bog that's not too far from my house. believe in what you want, just don't tempt me with ugly. i don't like it and i won't have it.

i wrote some prose once about religion. it starts out...'i don't believe there's not a god', includes the phrases, 'if there IS a god i don't wanna piss him off', and 'the human religion', and ends with, 'i am my own church. welcome to my temple.' somebody once told me that was egotistical, and i couldn't agree more. yeah, i have an ego, why don't you? there's nothing wrong with liking yourself. more people should, and maybe there would be less misplaced pride spinning this carnival ride of a planet.

i've got to get my poop in group now. some quick housework, then off to get jack and the babysitters to bring home. i'll have more time this afternoon to get things done in the basement. i need to get that project overwith before i have an aneurysm, and it's comin'...i can feel it!

bathroom solution:
move her room to one beside a bathroom wall, take said wall down, and complete brick laying procedure. trust me, it'll be easier that way.

1 comment:

uncertain girl said...

You're nicer than me. I was thinking an old school chamber pot would do the trick.