this rollercoaster is making me nauseous

okay it's gotta end now, right? a cycle has come to an end, i'm hoping.

good news about jack...he's feeling better! slowly but surely coming around and getting some sustenance in. his smiley face is there, and he was arguing and cracking jokes, so he'll be ok soon. he's not moving very far from a place to lay down, though.

bad news - this turn around was after i took him to the hospital last night for some industrial strength gravol. he had been puking all day from the time i first heard it at 6:30am when he got up to pee and puke at the same time. i finally made the decision to take him in around 6pm and got home around 1am, asleep around 3am. ( & awake at 6am with jared because tharen has to work as much as possible) more for the bad news file on jack: he has the WORST smelling gas EVER. seriously. i think something died in there.

good news about the truck! i took it in to the dealership because as it turns out, we are just under the wire for the warranty. now we have a new battery! but...

bad news about the truck! we took it in to the neighbourhood shop to get the rear brakes done today and the pads had been worn to less than 30%, so the calipers have to be replaced to the tune of $250. joy. that means that we have to spend around $150 every year just on redoing the rear pads so we don't have that problem again and wreck the rotors. caveat emptor, people...caveat fucking empTOR! what's 'fuck' in latin? anyone? ya know what? caveat VENditor, to the next money grubbing corporate ass jacker who tries to sell me a craftily designed cash sucking vehicle!

good news about the carpet! it's gone! yes!!! my house smells so good. (except for what's wafting from jack's butt) we totally scored with an excellent price on some leftover hardwood from my friend's house down the street, and our landlord is unbelievably paying for it! that is super cool because i was sure he'd say no. i had to phone him to tell him about having to take out the carpet and it didn't hurt to ask, did it?!? we just have to do the work, but it's going to be beautiful, thanks to some help from some good friends and harry! i can't wait 'til next weekend. the boys are going to my mom's so we'll be able to get it all done and hopefully get everything organized before sunday night.

bad news regarding the floors, though. if there has to be a bad side, it's that we can't afford to pay for it until the end of the month. let me explain: we pay up front and deduct from the rent. it's no problem, they say, but i would feel better paying right away- know what i mean?

bad news/good news: muriel is gone. she died yesterday morning just before 8am with her husband and some family near. even though this was anticipated, of course everyone is very sad. i want to be with my brother so bad, and you can hear it in his voice, too. now i can't even go meet him on the dyke because of the truck.

i have an assignment for you:

1.) go hug a loved one and tell them what they mean to you.
2.) forgive a grudge. ( a forgivable one)
3.) read this message i got in an email today.

life is too short.

**update: i know you can't see this...it was an html copy....i will transpose it tomorrow, as i have been out drowning my sorrows this evening and don't have it in me. it's worth it. so was my buddy's show that i went to tonight...all i gotta say is: SDT! (google 'em)

****update #2: transposition complete. it's late sunday night. i'm going to go lay in bed and wrap my head around this while i drift off...

when things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayo jar and the two glasses of wine...

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a very large and empty mayonaisse jar and filles it will golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full - they agreed it was.

The prof then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them in the jar, shaking it lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open spaces between the golf balls. He asked the students again if the jar was full - they agreed it was.

The prof next picked up a box of sand and poured it in the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous 'yes'.

The professor then produced two glasses of wine from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things, your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favourite passions; things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car. The sand is everything else; the small stuff.

If you put the sand in the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.

The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, there's not anything left for what matters. Pay attention to the hings that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical check ups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18 holes. There will always be time to clean the hosue and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first; the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the wine represented. The prof smiled. "i'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always time for a couple glasses of wine with a friend."

~

bring on the laughs!

so, yeah. like i said:

whatever.

after yesterday's post, you'd have to figure it could only get better, right? well, for a short time it did....and then it went horribly, horribly wrong! bah! i suppose it could still get worse, so i'd better look for one o' them there blessings soon!

here's today's snapshot of fuckiness:
(brought to you by prozac ~ if anyone would need it, it's ME! SOON!)

1.) i think i bought a super seven six pack lottery ticket this morning at the exact moment that jack puked in the truck, so what does that mean? here's how THAT unfolded:

this morning the boys and i wake up around 6:30 and slowly but surely get out of bed after some cuddling and shushing of the little one. jack's awesome for snuggles, but jared? the crazy one rarely slows his frantic pace. he's a 'jump out of bed and GET 'EM' kinda dude, so i wonder how we're gonna get along! kidding....i'm sure that'll be history once the adolescent monster starts to rear it's sleepy head.

ANYWAY. we have breakfast, silly it up a bit, and then head out for school. jack tells me his stomache kinda hurts, so i tell him he can call me if he needs to. he doesn't. i pick him up after school, and he wants to play...he runs across the field with his friends to the swings, and takes his sweet time getting over to me when i call. i figure things are going good, so i can get started on my mile long list of errands to run and shit that needs to somehow get accomplished before obama's second term....so we plan for an oil change, a shoe shopping trip and then off to pick up daddy! he says he didn't eat his lunch because his tummy kinda still hurts, but that a bit of his water might make him feel better....and it does. for a moment.

i make a stop a my friendly neighbourhood corner store, say hi to simon, grab some vitamin P, smokes, chips, and remember at the last moment to grab a lottery ticket; 'cause you know, i sure FEEL lucky. i hop out of the store, admiring the beautiful day on my way to the truck, and i hear jared yelling something from the truck but i don't think much of it, because he's ALWAYS yelling something. as it turns out, what he was yelling was, "puke, mommy, puke! jack puke in TWUCK!"

i see jack sitting there with his eyes wide open, teeth clenched, and puke all down his lap, down the seat, and bits on the floor. LOVELY! did i mention that i was a voluptuous vomiting vixen this morning? well, this almost sends me over the edge again, and i say, "oh, my guy! okay, okay, i'll get you home right away!" so i whip over to the house, grab towels, and head back out to brave the front. i didn't know how to start! the whole logistical nightmare of puke removal can be a highly complicated endeavor! somehow, i got it done, stripped jack down, and got him in the tub while i finally went out and grabbed jared out of his car seat. poor little dude...i can't say i don't secretly wish he had fallen asleep while waiting, but no such luck. i had to keep them separated!

jack heads off to laze around in my bed, and jared gets busy climbing around the couch configuration we have going on right now, which i must admit rocks for fort assembly. a while later we had to go pick up tharen and jack puked again, but smartmommy brought the bowl! yay, me! he's still laying in bed as we speak. he slept for a bit, but still has no real interest in food or activity. it's been pretty easy keeping him in bed because we're cleaning the carpets, rugs, couch and pillows, so we're telling him everything is wet. he can't stand the noise, so he wants to stay away from it anyway. i'd let him go downstairs to lay on the bed in the playroom, but he'd feel too far away from me and he feels comfiest in my bed, anyway.

so, yeah.
whatever.

2.) my mom was actually going to take the boys this weekend, too! i was gonna get SO much done, and go see my new favorite band that i would TOTALLY love to tell you about....but if jack's still pukey tomorrow, there's no way i can take him out in the afternoon. we shall see...

3.) i found out today that our superwickedawesomecool lawn guy isn't doing residential contracts anymore! BOOOOO! we have to mow our own lawn and that bites 'cause it's HUGE and takes over an hour to do - sometimes TWO! we'd never find someone who would do that for 50 bucks, let alone 25!

BUT! but, but, but!
today's blessing is that he tells me he tore up my cheques from last year's bill he gave me last month, and we can TOTALLY use that money as you know, if you've been following along...

once again, i'm sure there's more, but i sha'nt be boring you with this wretchedness much longer. bear with me! lol!

ch~ill

there's no use crying over spilled milk, sweetheart

whatever.

okay. here's a snapshot of these days.

1.) tharen can't fix our brakes because after twice taking the wheel off, once to find out you need a special tool (which we bought), and then again only to find out that you need an air pressured tool as well! so now we have to pay the dude down the street 90 bucks to do it in his shop. tharen sure is happy that he arranged the time to do the brakes when it would've been more cost effective to just take it the fuck IN to the shop in the first place so he could WORK! whatever.
2.) when i went out to take jack to school this morning, i had to reach back in the house and grab my wallet. the door was in the process of closing, so i held my foot up to stop it and push it open again. my foot went through the cat door, and at first i though it was a little cute 'n' stuff, you know, early morning giggle material: "oh! *heehee* my foot went in through the cat door! *heehee*" but yeah. my foot literally went THROUGH the cat door. the stupid thing broke off, and now i have to go buy a new one. whatever.
3.) so, i'm a little pissed at this point, but goin' good at the same time because i'm gonna get jack to school early enough to hang with his friends before he goes in the class. yeah. NOPE! battery's dead. so i quickly call to see if the religious devil spawn down the street has left yet, and they had, BUT super evil spawner rushes right over with a jump start, and i get jack to school a few minutes late, meaning i have to take him inside to the office....which means i have to turn off the truck after running for only five minutes.

yes! all you in the know are right! NOT LONG ENOUGH TO CHARGE! i knew the fucking thing wouldn't start when i came back out! beepbeepboop-boopbeepboop-beepbeepbeepboop...hello, bcaa? SAVE ME! dude comes half an hour later, jumps me, gives the battery a successful (wtf) charge test, and i'm on my merry way, with no idea why my battery died in the first place. whatever.4.) i'm so merry because i'm on my way to pick up tharen's paycheque....this means a new cat door, brake service, umpteen bill payments, FOOD, and a carpet cleaning which i'll cover in my next point. paycheque...what paycheque? that's right! NOT THERE! so i phone tharen, tharen phones boss, boss says that pay day is really on the 16th, and he's just been getting them early. whatever.
5.) the carpet. yes. the stinky, smelly, stench filled, bacteria laden, lung congesting synthetic loop system of bovine juice rot infested carpet. sweet stuff! my house smelled like a thousand rotting asses yesterday. the other day i thought i smelled a little something 'off'. i searched high and low and finally came upon the smell on the couch. jared had been given a juice box thingy that squirts out a little every time it gets squished a little with MILK in it and allowed to go in the living room. i'm not gonna say who gave it to him, but he's tall, hairy, answers to 'dingbat', and i'm married to him. he totally knows better! FUCK! anyway, after berating his sorry brain power, i get out the steamer thing and get to de-lousing the couch. it works. but i can still smelllllllllll.....FUCK!

it's the carpet! and it's wet! and i'm gagging! holy christ i swear i almost passed out when i bent down to sniff it. so, upon discovery through investigation, there was some sort of dairy product spilled there while there was a babysitter here the day before. i wanted to go get her and drag her back to the house to give her a life lesson on what happens when you don't clean up milk properly, but i couldn't. i must deal. FUCK.

so i attack the carpet with my steam cleaner, but that just winds up sending steamy wafts of puke inducing stench up to me to infiltrate my clothes and hair! nixed that idea and covered it in pretty jasmine vanilla baby powder and rolled it up to get at the underlay. more baby powder and some propping up to air out....some bleach and a scrub brush for the wood underneath (which is just plywood, booooo), and it's good with all the doors and windows open, intermittent lysol sprays, and the boys hiding in my bedroom to alleviate the stench from getting stuck in their snot. jared's mostly happy 'cause we stopped asking if it was his butt that smelled!

i've laid the carpet back down, and while the reek has greatly improved, it's NOT gone. i have to douse it with some oxi clean and get the store rental carpet cleaner on it. the bonus here is that the carpets needing cleaning anyway, as well as countless rugs and the couch, most importantly. whatever.

6.) i'm sure there's more, but i'm gonna go chug the rest of my wine to see if it helps with my whine.

lights~out

m.i.a.

wow.
i've been here and there, running about my life over the past week, and i seriously think my head shall soon explode. here's hoping for an IMplosion....less mess for them to clean up after i'm gone!

vroom! vroom! erch! smash!

just when i thought this la-la existence was gonna get better in our foggy financial stupor...uh-uh.i got some seriously stupid news about our vehicle! it turns out that last week when i took our 2007 ford truckvansuvwagoncar (it's built on a truck frame, classed as an suv, & looks like a station wagon on 'roids) in to get a tire repaired, dude informed me that i have almost no rear brake pads left.

say whaaaaa'?

(k - so, for some reason
i can't change my font back.
whatever.
it'll help make my drying river
of cash flow just a little bit prettier.
actually, at this point,
the flow resembles a babbling brook
with little swimmy pools here and there.)
(similes always help.)
(when you're insane.)
(& the parentheses help with the sense of containing your brain.)

here we go. the reason it's bad about the rear brake pads is that they were replaced in nov'07 when i got a recall notice on the brakes and had to take it into the dealership for perusal and necessary repairs. apparently the pads designed for use in the vehicle (awd disc brakes) let foreign material under the pad - leading to increased wear and possible rotor damage. turned out that the rotors needed to be replaced because of an actual groove worn in one side, and of course the pads as well. they also did the front pads for courtesy's sake. note that curiously, there is not the same issue with the front brakes, even though they are the 'same'.?. odd. after all this time, an equal amount of time (16 months) as the rear pads, there is minimal wear on the front pads and the discs are shiny smooth. like this:

well, not exactly like this, but you get the idea. mine will look like this shortly if they're not tended to:

it's safe to say i'm a little pissed about that. wouldn't a recall imply that the problem should be fixed? if the same problem happens again, shouldn't it be fixed again? please, if any of you know, fill me in, 'cause i've got nothin' but time to fight the powers that be! i talked to the dealership and i talked to ford, who you'd think would be trying to RETAIN customers, and i get nothing. they now like to refer to it as a 'customer satisfaction' effort that was only a one-time courtesy fuck, as opposed to the continual humping they'll be doing over the years with us doling out our hard earned cash for their parts!

one of the main reasons we bought one new car, as opposed to two second/third hand ones is to prevent exactly that! we simply can't afford to be repairing vehicles every other month! i comprehend maintenance - it's not about that. it's about: we wanted to not have to worry about faulty and/or defective shit like that. caveat emptor, hey? what can i do now? we can't afford to replace rotors or have them machined, so we'd better get on those pads and keep them ship shape. we still have some parts on warranty, so that's better than nothing. i'll just take a moment here to knock on some wood....here's hoping we continue to have general good luck in vehicular mobility land...

the company is aware - painfully aware - of the problem. there were so many of these issue specific complaints that when they re-did the vehicle with a new name (presumably to bury their conscience) the brake setup is different and hence, no abnormal wear. normal wear and tear in the all wheel drive vehicle, taurus x, but of course they did it so that the brakes are not interchangeable, even though the vehicles are identical in almost every other way. save for the motor, which has gone to the regular shifting automatic transmission gears instead of what we have with the CVT.

the wiki gods say:

"A continuously variable transmission (CVT) is a transmission which can change steplessly through an infinite number of effective gear ratios between maximum and minimum values. This contrasts with other mechanical transmissions that only allow a few different distinct gear ratios to be selected. The flexibility of a CVT allows the driving shaft to maintain a constant angular velocity over a range of output velocities. This can provide better fuel economy than other transmissions by enabling the engine to run at its most efficient revolutions per minute (RPM) for a range of vehicle speeds."

so there you have it. if you want to know more about these transmissions, click here. it really is quite interesting.

(and if anyone can help me out with why i can't change my text style back anytime i switch it...now i'm stuck in quote style...)

i wish we could just go and get another vehicle, but with our debt problems (we consolidated last year) there's no way we'd get approved for a different loan. i suppose it'll be okay. i mean, it is a very nice ride... electric windows and moon roof, 6 cd changer, 7 all leather arrangeable seats, heated front seats, roof mounted dvd player, cruise control, triple zone climate control, electric memory front seats, driver side mirror and pedals so that whenever tharen or i use our keyless lock opener, the driver's seat, mirror and pedals go to where we each have them set... multiple power ports, vision screening sensor on rearview mirror to cut down the glare from headlights behind you, back up sensor alarm, traction control, and most importantly, the peace of mind you get with sensor controlled air bags and the highest crash safety rating due to its sturdy volvo frame. all that for 40+k.

so. my truck's all that....
where's my bag o' chips?!?uh-uh. ix-nay!
make 'em chocolate chips!

the con list would include the rear brake shituation [sic] and the fact that at every single oil change we have to get a new air cleaner. that's right, a new one....it's not even possible to tap it out to get a bit more function out of it. oh, and whenever we back out of the driveway on a rainy day, the downward slope causes water to pour in through the seatbelt housing at the back row of seating. awesome, right? i have no idea why that happens, but it kinda bites. i have to rmember that if there's ever anything or anyone back there!

when i was getting off the phone with my representative from the loser motor company, i made sure that i mentioned that i would never buy ford again, and would tell everyone i know my story. it sure is comforting to know that ford doesn't consider a faulty braking system a safety issue worthy of repair. i sure am glad i give them so much fucking money every month! damn, i wish i had the cash to pay those jackasses out right now - give them as little as possible, and then we'd have money available to continue our quest for an acceptable ride. oh. and fucking ford repairs!

anyway. i have to go now. jared needs a nap, and i'm in the middle of climbing mt. kill'emwithlaundry. jack's gone for the day, so i should have some good gettin' stuff done time today.

here's me...see how happy i look?

it's a cartoon, people. fake.
fake! fake! fake!

let's all hope that i don't have to jam on the brakes anytime soon! i have to drive across town to pick up brake pads this afternoon. they're so new that no one has them in stock, and fuck me if i'm gonna pay the dealership to do it!

vroom, vroom! look at me go!

~

radiated lollipop, anyone?

cancer fucking sucks the big one!

i'm having a hard time with things today (actually the last few days). i'm stretched beyond far with my thoughts for my brother and his family. millie's mom has been moved to a palliative care facility for the last of her time in her body on earth. she's no longer receiving any treatment, and is just wanting help in dealing with all her final issues, including pain. i feel sad and disconnected at the same time. shock would be a word i could use for how i felt after talking to my brother the other day when he called with the news. at the end of our conversation, when we usually exchange some sort of abusive banter - mostly him telling me specifically how to flip the bird to tharen - he instead said he wanted a hug. that is such a foreign thing - for the phone, anyway. mostly sounds sweet, i know, but that's not usually how it is with us. we love each other and everything, but we often find our joy in abusing each other good heartedly! it pains my heart to think of my brother feeling vulnerable, and i know he's just drowning his sorrows so that he doesn't have to feel much. he's already an alcoholic, so who knows how this will all play out for him. worse? better? all i know is that he's in pain watching his wife and her family suffering through muriel's pain, confusion and helplessness. i can't even imagine.

muriel and her husband had some grand plans for her last few months....they knew she's dying, but assumed they'd have a bit more time. even though she was advised against travel, they decided they were going to try vegas for a last hurrah. turns out that won't be happening - she's just too sick. she's already been without treatment for about a month now because she wants to at least be able to enjoy some of her time. chemo made her so sick, it was horrible. that means that the cancer will be allowed to take over, but at least they'll be able to manage her pain. she wasn't guaranteed any more time, regardless of the radiation or chemo.

they had it well thought out. first, they went to a local casino for the weekend, then they were planning a short flight to see how she handles the altitude, to culminate with a trip to nevada, but no more. she must remain in canada, i suppose to help with issues that could arise if she died on american soil. poor woman. i am at such a loss. i don't know what to say. i'm going out to tend to my brother's tendings, as millie is at her mom's side and the kids need some attention. harry is staying out of the house as much as possible now that he's back working most days, but life is going on, as it always will. it's the way of this world and the path all of our souls will eventually take one day.

~
p.s.
my wish for the 11th of 11 consecutive posts @ 11:11
is for this little slice of hell to be over with.

come ON, spirit guide! too much time is wasting away.
you and lady nature get figurin' & work it out, already!
~

bad hard drive, ba a-a-ad!

i realize that i have some new followers, but my hard drive has imploded! i would SO love to be impressing my skillz on you now, but alas....technology bites! we humans must not forget that these wondrous machines were built by HUMANS! i choose to believe that you're entertaining yourself in my archives in the meantime. (!)

so my good friend the wizard is over fixing me up. i happen to be on his brand new little net book thing right now...well, it's not a net book...it's an 'ece pc'. I LIKE IT! i want one, i want one! i'm pretty sure that the wizard will have me up and running soon, but i have to admit, i was a little excited thinking of the new possibilities with all the 'blogging while camping' i could do! ....and at the beach...and in the yard....and while driving.....ah, mother's day is soooooon...(and i mean while tharen is driving, btw!)
my book will be born!

so, anyway, i just wanted to give a little update here...i'll be back soon. i regularly like to blog daily and take weekends off, just so you know. i'll make you laugh, i'll make you cry.

speaking of which, the crying thing....i have a cancer update and it sucks - sucks it huge. check the links to catch yourself up, and i'll fill you in when my operating system is systematically operating.

stay tuned, and take care...

p.s. if anyone runs into janis on here, tell her to call me! (damn it!) :) -byebye,netbook!

~

just me, my wine and my ER, thank you

a well played out era is over. ER's dynamic was often sought after, but never matched.

examined, emulated, expanded, yet never exalted.
it is difficult, if not impossible to match the happenings inside the minds of michael crichton and john wells, among the rest of the stellar crew - executive or otherwise.

last night delivered the end, and i've been there since the beginning. every season except part of 1999, i think. my job aside the pre-game ballet stage serving the finest of gentlemen every thursday, friday and saturday kept me away only when i would forget to record it. damned strippers! i'm pretty sure i have some copies on good ol' vhs, so i'll be okay until christmas when i get my seasons 1-15 ER dvd's! *kidding!* i'd want seriously cooler presents in the real world. santa knows me...he knows what i like.

i did miss this year's season opener that has dr. pratt dying, but that's ok...i was at a gig of tharen's, and youtube is my friend.

this record setting, ground breaking t.v. series was the shit! out of 122 emmy nominations, they snagged 22 trophies over its 15 season run that ran 10 of those seasons consecutively in the top ten. please inform me if anyone has done better than that, but i don't think so.

michael crichton, the show's creator, is also one helluva book author & he based ER's pilot episode on his own experiences as a fledgling medical professional. i'm sure that's what made it more believable, as the man has a gift for drawing you into his stories. take a click on the link i provided above to find out more about a man who lived a beautiful life and now rests in peace during the same year his greatest creative baby must lie down. mr. crichton's loves lost him to cancer. (click here to see how i feel about that subject.)

john wells is well...pardon the pun, mostly 'cause it wasn't funny. he was the show's co-creator, head writer and executive producer, and well deserved of all accolades. wells also produced and wrote for china beach, a show that ran on ABC for four seasons.

my dad got me hooked on that show back in nineteen eighty fucking nine. *throwin' horns over here!* he had been recording it, and one day i was looking for something to watch so i threw in one of those tapes. i spent the rest of the weekend watching all the shows, and caught it every time i could from there after. it pops up in syndication from time to time, so catch it if you can. it must be on some fancy shmansy yankee satellite channel, so surf away!

out of the parade of thespianage through chicago's county emergency room doors, i'm pretty sure maura tierney's character was my fave. who wouldn't want sally field as a mom? well, the real one...not the wacknut recurring character she played on the show as abby's mother. tierney wasn't an original cast member, but it was a nice surprise when she showed up at county general fresh off the L. the last time i had seen her was on newsradio, one of my favorite all time sitcoms.

abby and i were even pregnant together...how 'bout that? i had my second rugrat at the same time! *girly sqeal* *kidding!* one of the seemingly unimportant details that quite impressed me is how they kept true time. the right length of time passed accordingly, and up to the very last scene involving abby and luka's life, they had kept the child at exactly the same stage as little jared! trivial, i know, but that matters to some people. i can understand somewhat, because honestly i felt a little camaraderie with my buddy abby. if they had opened season 13 with her tyke joe magically being 7 instead of 1, i'm positive that would've been the beginning of the end for me. i hate that.
what other shows have done that?? some, i know, but i can't think of the names...

sometimes i wonder what happened to the fictional patients and their families. like one that i'll always remember is from a storyline with the extraordinary dr. green played by anthony edwards . whatever happened to the family of the labouring mother he was working on who died as he saved the baby? i was pregnant with my first mini stink butt jack and it caused me to question whether or not i should be watching this or any other medical programs! ooo, did i cry?

one my favorite snippets off the reel is from when that prick, dr. romano got smashed by the helicopter just a few short weeks after getting...well, check this out:



what? it could happen.

what the hell am i gonna do on thursday nights now? sleep? pfft. blog!

i say i do a 'song of the week' post.

que pensez-vous ? convenez ?

oop. must vacate the premises!

tharen, the boys and i all have an appointment with the chomper dr. in a while. i hope i don't get run over by an ambulance on my way across the street to grab a coffee! (all you die hards will get that...)

~

answer: no, i wasn't that näive.

a while back, i wrote a post about waylon's girl wondering if i had been that näive when i was a little girl [read: in my early 20's]. well, i've realized that i probably wasn't. mostly i came to the realization on my own, because i know myself, i know how my brain has functioned, and i recall the depths into which my mind had been stolen on several occasions. the difference between myself and ms. knowitallandthensome, is that i actually educate myself when i ponder.

when i wanted to learn about say, the music industry, i paid attention. i went to the library. i asked questions. i didn't spew half stewed 'truths' to the world because i was aware that i could probably be better informed. i still am that way. i think the person who thinks they know every absolute truth on one or many subjects is the dumbest one in the room. i am all for voicing my opinion, and do so regularly, but i will let myself learn - i actively seek knowledge daily. tharen even notices the antsy disposition that i have about myself when i haven't anything to read in the house...i'm pretty sure i mentioned not too long ago about how i re-read my favorite book?...and i'd do it again when i have to, and i will have to. wow, do i ever digress alot. OOP! the a.o.a.d.d. is flaring up again!

i usually don't even get into stating opinions if i'm not certain. if i AM certain, though? i'll debate happily. properly. i also happen to be a yeller, so when the rules of engagement get crossed, i tend to resemble my emulate, the battering ram. (be nice!)

while i realize i should be more like:




the intelligent player, slowly calculating...



when i get into it, i'm usually more like:



nudging you with my knowledge, to put it nicely. you've seen what they do when they fight, right? i'm awed by that power, and tend to feel that way when i whip my posts.
wow. that sounded kinky. cool.


being wrong isn't a character flaw. the flaw exposes itself when the character starts being an asshole upon realizing the wrong.

i'm comfortable with being wrong...i just never am! (kidding!) (sort of!) but still. i don't act like a tit when i am.

anyways, the thing that brought me to this post was a little blurb in today's paper titled, 'in the world of miss universe' by doug camilli. the first line reads: "seriously?" and i can't agree more. WTF is with the world today? i am SO gonna have to write the epic 'blog on my feelings about it one day. damn, why are so many of the kids of today so idiotic and self centered?!?

i guess miss dayana mendoza, 22, this year's reigning miss universe went to guantanamo bay to cheer up some US troops! what a good girl. i'm sure she pulled up with a full tummy in her air conditioned, chauffered ride feeling really good about what she was about to accomplish. i mean really! what lucky girl gets to say she's been to a place that *gasp* president oBAMa talks about? [one link to why i feel sick]

"um, i like, heard about some *hair toss* tortures and icky things happening here, and um, that's like, *hand up* wack, and you burly boys totally didn't deserve that! i'm not even going to listen to all the nasty things that get said about your bosses! those pictures are totally like, photoshopped or something retarded. my friend skylar does that for like, work! isn't mr. barrack like, closing this place or something? yay! *sky punch* so, you can go home, and everything will be sooo cool! i'm soooo excited for you! *clapclapclap* it's almost summerrrrrrrrr!"*jigglejiggle*

kidding. i don't know if that's what she said, but i wouldn't doubt it.

wanna know what i DO know? after her appearance, she wrote in her 'blog about it. you know, about how when you think of gitmo all you can see is how "relaxing, calm and beautiful it is there?" see the quotations? that's a quote.

anyway, this was supposed to be some light hearted sillybitch bashing, but fuck...am i ever sick of little minds. that's why i tend to stay away from people sometimes. well, alot of the time. this is one chicken that does NOT mind being alone.

here's a poem, copyright, ME!

Thinking without reason -
there's a psyche somewhere
indulging in the depths
into which my mind's been stolen.

The happenings inside my eyes
are i think the realease of the panic monger.
Maybe the day when they cease to stun me,
I'll be laughing in my face.

©cmdec'92

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