this rollercoaster is making me nauseous

okay it's gotta end now, right? a cycle has come to an end, i'm hoping.

good news about jack...he's feeling better! slowly but surely coming around and getting some sustenance in. his smiley face is there, and he was arguing and cracking jokes, so he'll be ok soon. he's not moving very far from a place to lay down, though.

bad news - this turn around was after i took him to the hospital last night for some industrial strength gravol. he had been puking all day from the time i first heard it at 6:30am when he got up to pee and puke at the same time. i finally made the decision to take him in around 6pm and got home around 1am, asleep around 3am. ( & awake at 6am with jared because tharen has to work as much as possible) more for the bad news file on jack: he has the WORST smelling gas EVER. seriously. i think something died in there.

good news about the truck! i took it in to the dealership because as it turns out, we are just under the wire for the warranty. now we have a new battery! but...

bad news about the truck! we took it in to the neighbourhood shop to get the rear brakes done today and the pads had been worn to less than 30%, so the calipers have to be replaced to the tune of $250. joy. that means that we have to spend around $150 every year just on redoing the rear pads so we don't have that problem again and wreck the rotors. caveat emptor, people...caveat fucking empTOR! what's 'fuck' in latin? anyone? ya know what? caveat VENditor, to the next money grubbing corporate ass jacker who tries to sell me a craftily designed cash sucking vehicle!

good news about the carpet! it's gone! yes!!! my house smells so good. (except for what's wafting from jack's butt) we totally scored with an excellent price on some leftover hardwood from my friend's house down the street, and our landlord is unbelievably paying for it! that is super cool because i was sure he'd say no. i had to phone him to tell him about having to take out the carpet and it didn't hurt to ask, did it?!? we just have to do the work, but it's going to be beautiful, thanks to some help from some good friends and harry! i can't wait 'til next weekend. the boys are going to my mom's so we'll be able to get it all done and hopefully get everything organized before sunday night.

bad news regarding the floors, though. if there has to be a bad side, it's that we can't afford to pay for it until the end of the month. let me explain: we pay up front and deduct from the rent. it's no problem, they say, but i would feel better paying right away- know what i mean?

bad news/good news: muriel is gone. she died yesterday morning just before 8am with her husband and some family near. even though this was anticipated, of course everyone is very sad. i want to be with my brother so bad, and you can hear it in his voice, too. now i can't even go meet him on the dyke because of the truck.

i have an assignment for you:

1.) go hug a loved one and tell them what they mean to you.
2.) forgive a grudge. ( a forgivable one)
3.) read this message i got in an email today.

life is too short.

**update: i know you can't see this...it was an html copy....i will transpose it tomorrow, as i have been out drowning my sorrows this evening and don't have it in me. it's worth it. so was my buddy's show that i went to tonight...all i gotta say is: SDT! (google 'em)

****update #2: transposition complete. it's late sunday night. i'm going to go lay in bed and wrap my head around this while i drift off...

when things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayo jar and the two glasses of wine...

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a very large and empty mayonaisse jar and filles it will golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full - they agreed it was.

The prof then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them in the jar, shaking it lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open spaces between the golf balls. He asked the students again if the jar was full - they agreed it was.

The prof next picked up a box of sand and poured it in the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous 'yes'.

The professor then produced two glasses of wine from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things, your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favourite passions; things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car. The sand is everything else; the small stuff.

If you put the sand in the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.

The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, there's not anything left for what matters. Pay attention to the hings that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical check ups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18 holes. There will always be time to clean the hosue and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first; the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the wine represented. The prof smiled. "i'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always time for a couple glasses of wine with a friend."

~

bring on the laughs!

so, yeah. like i said:

whatever.

after yesterday's post, you'd have to figure it could only get better, right? well, for a short time it did....and then it went horribly, horribly wrong! bah! i suppose it could still get worse, so i'd better look for one o' them there blessings soon!

here's today's snapshot of fuckiness:
(brought to you by prozac ~ if anyone would need it, it's ME! SOON!)

1.) i think i bought a super seven six pack lottery ticket this morning at the exact moment that jack puked in the truck, so what does that mean? here's how THAT unfolded:

this morning the boys and i wake up around 6:30 and slowly but surely get out of bed after some cuddling and shushing of the little one. jack's awesome for snuggles, but jared? the crazy one rarely slows his frantic pace. he's a 'jump out of bed and GET 'EM' kinda dude, so i wonder how we're gonna get along! kidding....i'm sure that'll be history once the adolescent monster starts to rear it's sleepy head.

ANYWAY. we have breakfast, silly it up a bit, and then head out for school. jack tells me his stomache kinda hurts, so i tell him he can call me if he needs to. he doesn't. i pick him up after school, and he wants to play...he runs across the field with his friends to the swings, and takes his sweet time getting over to me when i call. i figure things are going good, so i can get started on my mile long list of errands to run and shit that needs to somehow get accomplished before obama's second term....so we plan for an oil change, a shoe shopping trip and then off to pick up daddy! he says he didn't eat his lunch because his tummy kinda still hurts, but that a bit of his water might make him feel better....and it does. for a moment.

i make a stop a my friendly neighbourhood corner store, say hi to simon, grab some vitamin P, smokes, chips, and remember at the last moment to grab a lottery ticket; 'cause you know, i sure FEEL lucky. i hop out of the store, admiring the beautiful day on my way to the truck, and i hear jared yelling something from the truck but i don't think much of it, because he's ALWAYS yelling something. as it turns out, what he was yelling was, "puke, mommy, puke! jack puke in TWUCK!"

i see jack sitting there with his eyes wide open, teeth clenched, and puke all down his lap, down the seat, and bits on the floor. LOVELY! did i mention that i was a voluptuous vomiting vixen this morning? well, this almost sends me over the edge again, and i say, "oh, my guy! okay, okay, i'll get you home right away!" so i whip over to the house, grab towels, and head back out to brave the front. i didn't know how to start! the whole logistical nightmare of puke removal can be a highly complicated endeavor! somehow, i got it done, stripped jack down, and got him in the tub while i finally went out and grabbed jared out of his car seat. poor little dude...i can't say i don't secretly wish he had fallen asleep while waiting, but no such luck. i had to keep them separated!

jack heads off to laze around in my bed, and jared gets busy climbing around the couch configuration we have going on right now, which i must admit rocks for fort assembly. a while later we had to go pick up tharen and jack puked again, but smartmommy brought the bowl! yay, me! he's still laying in bed as we speak. he slept for a bit, but still has no real interest in food or activity. it's been pretty easy keeping him in bed because we're cleaning the carpets, rugs, couch and pillows, so we're telling him everything is wet. he can't stand the noise, so he wants to stay away from it anyway. i'd let him go downstairs to lay on the bed in the playroom, but he'd feel too far away from me and he feels comfiest in my bed, anyway.

so, yeah.
whatever.

2.) my mom was actually going to take the boys this weekend, too! i was gonna get SO much done, and go see my new favorite band that i would TOTALLY love to tell you about....but if jack's still pukey tomorrow, there's no way i can take him out in the afternoon. we shall see...

3.) i found out today that our superwickedawesomecool lawn guy isn't doing residential contracts anymore! BOOOOO! we have to mow our own lawn and that bites 'cause it's HUGE and takes over an hour to do - sometimes TWO! we'd never find someone who would do that for 50 bucks, let alone 25!

BUT! but, but, but!
today's blessing is that he tells me he tore up my cheques from last year's bill he gave me last month, and we can TOTALLY use that money as you know, if you've been following along...

once again, i'm sure there's more, but i sha'nt be boring you with this wretchedness much longer. bear with me! lol!

ch~ill

there's no use crying over spilled milk, sweetheart

whatever.

okay. here's a snapshot of these days.

1.) tharen can't fix our brakes because after twice taking the wheel off, once to find out you need a special tool (which we bought), and then again only to find out that you need an air pressured tool as well! so now we have to pay the dude down the street 90 bucks to do it in his shop. tharen sure is happy that he arranged the time to do the brakes when it would've been more cost effective to just take it the fuck IN to the shop in the first place so he could WORK! whatever.
2.) when i went out to take jack to school this morning, i had to reach back in the house and grab my wallet. the door was in the process of closing, so i held my foot up to stop it and push it open again. my foot went through the cat door, and at first i though it was a little cute 'n' stuff, you know, early morning giggle material: "oh! *heehee* my foot went in through the cat door! *heehee*" but yeah. my foot literally went THROUGH the cat door. the stupid thing broke off, and now i have to go buy a new one. whatever.
3.) so, i'm a little pissed at this point, but goin' good at the same time because i'm gonna get jack to school early enough to hang with his friends before he goes in the class. yeah. NOPE! battery's dead. so i quickly call to see if the religious devil spawn down the street has left yet, and they had, BUT super evil spawner rushes right over with a jump start, and i get jack to school a few minutes late, meaning i have to take him inside to the office....which means i have to turn off the truck after running for only five minutes.

yes! all you in the know are right! NOT LONG ENOUGH TO CHARGE! i knew the fucking thing wouldn't start when i came back out! beepbeepboop-boopbeepboop-beepbeepbeepboop...hello, bcaa? SAVE ME! dude comes half an hour later, jumps me, gives the battery a successful (wtf) charge test, and i'm on my merry way, with no idea why my battery died in the first place. whatever.4.) i'm so merry because i'm on my way to pick up tharen's paycheque....this means a new cat door, brake service, umpteen bill payments, FOOD, and a carpet cleaning which i'll cover in my next point. paycheque...what paycheque? that's right! NOT THERE! so i phone tharen, tharen phones boss, boss says that pay day is really on the 16th, and he's just been getting them early. whatever.
5.) the carpet. yes. the stinky, smelly, stench filled, bacteria laden, lung congesting synthetic loop system of bovine juice rot infested carpet. sweet stuff! my house smelled like a thousand rotting asses yesterday. the other day i thought i smelled a little something 'off'. i searched high and low and finally came upon the smell on the couch. jared had been given a juice box thingy that squirts out a little every time it gets squished a little with MILK in it and allowed to go in the living room. i'm not gonna say who gave it to him, but he's tall, hairy, answers to 'dingbat', and i'm married to him. he totally knows better! FUCK! anyway, after berating his sorry brain power, i get out the steamer thing and get to de-lousing the couch. it works. but i can still smelllllllllll.....FUCK!

it's the carpet! and it's wet! and i'm gagging! holy christ i swear i almost passed out when i bent down to sniff it. so, upon discovery through investigation, there was some sort of dairy product spilled there while there was a babysitter here the day before. i wanted to go get her and drag her back to the house to give her a life lesson on what happens when you don't clean up milk properly, but i couldn't. i must deal. FUCK.

so i attack the carpet with my steam cleaner, but that just winds up sending steamy wafts of puke inducing stench up to me to infiltrate my clothes and hair! nixed that idea and covered it in pretty jasmine vanilla baby powder and rolled it up to get at the underlay. more baby powder and some propping up to air out....some bleach and a scrub brush for the wood underneath (which is just plywood, booooo), and it's good with all the doors and windows open, intermittent lysol sprays, and the boys hiding in my bedroom to alleviate the stench from getting stuck in their snot. jared's mostly happy 'cause we stopped asking if it was his butt that smelled!

i've laid the carpet back down, and while the reek has greatly improved, it's NOT gone. i have to douse it with some oxi clean and get the store rental carpet cleaner on it. the bonus here is that the carpets needing cleaning anyway, as well as countless rugs and the couch, most importantly. whatever.

6.) i'm sure there's more, but i'm gonna go chug the rest of my wine to see if it helps with my whine.

lights~out

vroom! vroom! erch! smash!

just when i thought this la-la existence was gonna get better in our foggy financial stupor...uh-uh.i got some seriously stupid news about our vehicle! it turns out that last week when i took our 2007 ford truckvansuvwagoncar (it's built on a truck frame, classed as an suv, & looks like a station wagon on 'roids) in to get a tire repaired, dude informed me that i have almost no rear brake pads left.

say whaaaaa'?

(k - so, for some reason
i can't change my font back.
whatever.
it'll help make my drying river
of cash flow just a little bit prettier.
actually, at this point,
the flow resembles a babbling brook
with little swimmy pools here and there.)
(similes always help.)
(when you're insane.)
(& the parentheses help with the sense of containing your brain.)

here we go. the reason it's bad about the rear brake pads is that they were replaced in nov'07 when i got a recall notice on the brakes and had to take it into the dealership for perusal and necessary repairs. apparently the pads designed for use in the vehicle (awd disc brakes) let foreign material under the pad - leading to increased wear and possible rotor damage. turned out that the rotors needed to be replaced because of an actual groove worn in one side, and of course the pads as well. they also did the front pads for courtesy's sake. note that curiously, there is not the same issue with the front brakes, even though they are the 'same'.?. odd. after all this time, an equal amount of time (16 months) as the rear pads, there is minimal wear on the front pads and the discs are shiny smooth. like this:

well, not exactly like this, but you get the idea. mine will look like this shortly if they're not tended to:

it's safe to say i'm a little pissed about that. wouldn't a recall imply that the problem should be fixed? if the same problem happens again, shouldn't it be fixed again? please, if any of you know, fill me in, 'cause i've got nothin' but time to fight the powers that be! i talked to the dealership and i talked to ford, who you'd think would be trying to RETAIN customers, and i get nothing. they now like to refer to it as a 'customer satisfaction' effort that was only a one-time courtesy fuck, as opposed to the continual humping they'll be doing over the years with us doling out our hard earned cash for their parts!

one of the main reasons we bought one new car, as opposed to two second/third hand ones is to prevent exactly that! we simply can't afford to be repairing vehicles every other month! i comprehend maintenance - it's not about that. it's about: we wanted to not have to worry about faulty and/or defective shit like that. caveat emptor, hey? what can i do now? we can't afford to replace rotors or have them machined, so we'd better get on those pads and keep them ship shape. we still have some parts on warranty, so that's better than nothing. i'll just take a moment here to knock on some wood....here's hoping we continue to have general good luck in vehicular mobility land...

the company is aware - painfully aware - of the problem. there were so many of these issue specific complaints that when they re-did the vehicle with a new name (presumably to bury their conscience) the brake setup is different and hence, no abnormal wear. normal wear and tear in the all wheel drive vehicle, taurus x, but of course they did it so that the brakes are not interchangeable, even though the vehicles are identical in almost every other way. save for the motor, which has gone to the regular shifting automatic transmission gears instead of what we have with the CVT.

the wiki gods say:

"A continuously variable transmission (CVT) is a transmission which can change steplessly through an infinite number of effective gear ratios between maximum and minimum values. This contrasts with other mechanical transmissions that only allow a few different distinct gear ratios to be selected. The flexibility of a CVT allows the driving shaft to maintain a constant angular velocity over a range of output velocities. This can provide better fuel economy than other transmissions by enabling the engine to run at its most efficient revolutions per minute (RPM) for a range of vehicle speeds."

so there you have it. if you want to know more about these transmissions, click here. it really is quite interesting.

(and if anyone can help me out with why i can't change my text style back anytime i switch it...now i'm stuck in quote style...)

i wish we could just go and get another vehicle, but with our debt problems (we consolidated last year) there's no way we'd get approved for a different loan. i suppose it'll be okay. i mean, it is a very nice ride... electric windows and moon roof, 6 cd changer, 7 all leather arrangeable seats, heated front seats, roof mounted dvd player, cruise control, triple zone climate control, electric memory front seats, driver side mirror and pedals so that whenever tharen or i use our keyless lock opener, the driver's seat, mirror and pedals go to where we each have them set... multiple power ports, vision screening sensor on rearview mirror to cut down the glare from headlights behind you, back up sensor alarm, traction control, and most importantly, the peace of mind you get with sensor controlled air bags and the highest crash safety rating due to its sturdy volvo frame. all that for 40+k.

so. my truck's all that....
where's my bag o' chips?!?uh-uh. ix-nay!
make 'em chocolate chips!

the con list would include the rear brake shituation [sic] and the fact that at every single oil change we have to get a new air cleaner. that's right, a new one....it's not even possible to tap it out to get a bit more function out of it. oh, and whenever we back out of the driveway on a rainy day, the downward slope causes water to pour in through the seatbelt housing at the back row of seating. awesome, right? i have no idea why that happens, but it kinda bites. i have to rmember that if there's ever anything or anyone back there!

when i was getting off the phone with my representative from the loser motor company, i made sure that i mentioned that i would never buy ford again, and would tell everyone i know my story. it sure is comforting to know that ford doesn't consider a faulty braking system a safety issue worthy of repair. i sure am glad i give them so much fucking money every month! damn, i wish i had the cash to pay those jackasses out right now - give them as little as possible, and then we'd have money available to continue our quest for an acceptable ride. oh. and fucking ford repairs!

anyway. i have to go now. jared needs a nap, and i'm in the middle of climbing mt. kill'emwithlaundry. jack's gone for the day, so i should have some good gettin' stuff done time today.

here's me...see how happy i look?

it's a cartoon, people. fake.
fake! fake! fake!

let's all hope that i don't have to jam on the brakes anytime soon! i have to drive across town to pick up brake pads this afternoon. they're so new that no one has them in stock, and fuck me if i'm gonna pay the dealership to do it!

vroom, vroom! look at me go!

~

was i that naive?

i just read a new blog from waylon's girl about music. fuck. um, what i have to say: duh.

i really hope she doesn't think she came up with those revelations all on her own....but she is young. painfully young....and i'm sure just making these discoveries. the thing that throws me off is that she's quite snobbish. quite. did i mention that she seems to be quite snobbish? yes, snobbish.

i have difficulty with this one. i have to stay as farrrrrrrrr away as possible while still remaining close. i just may say something i might have to think about regretting. it wouldn't be a nice situation for tharen's singer's girl to be my new whipping post - no matter how much ammo she gives me to use. there's so much already, and i barely know her. janis doesn't like her at all, so that doesn't help. i've told j. that she MUST be appropriate around her and then, if the situation requires, clamp my mouth shut with a bear trap so i don't wind up assaulting the young one with all my lovliness.

it makes me wonder about when i was the young one...i'm sure there's no way i ever could've been deemed annoying, right?....right? probably less annoying than now, anyway.

now, i'm just as right, only crankier.

waffles and eggs it is!

it's spring break!
oh, joy.
it doesn't really make for all that much difference around here, what with the two year old and all....and jack's only in kindergarten, so that's only half a day. BUT it is half a day that i don't HAVE to be sociable. half a day that i don't have to get dressed. half a day that i don't have to run around as soon as i get up in the morning, which i HATE. half a day when my boogies get to stay in their pj's as long as they want.
except for today, that is.
today, i had to deal with poop first thing, little guys up too early, and whining. wicked. it really doesn't help that i was up 'til 2am, either....maybe that's why they seemed to be awake too early! the clock said 7am, just like it does every day! then there's the beer...not much, but enough to make a difference. can't forget about the sore legs either, but we don't need to talk about that. let's just say that tharen and i stayed in this weekend and liked it.
after the whining and poop, i realized that i was out of cigarettes and pepsi (omg) so i had to go to the store, which i also love doing first thing in the morning. upon entering the vehicle, i noticed tharen's pay cheque sitting there. damn it! he was supposed to get that in first thing so we wouldn't miss our astronomical truck payment yet again! DAMN IT ALL TO HELL! this meant i had to go to the bank (which wasn't open yet) ! there's a machine, so it wasn't really a big deal, until i got there and noticed some fukwad had mangled the machine trying to fraud the fraudsters. okay. so there's more banks, right? wrong. this particular bank was the only one i could hit the machine smellin' the way i did with my hair the way it was. the only bank where the boys could sit in the truck right beside the little vestibule. the only bank i where i get to blissfully go through life believing, if only for a few sweet seconds, that myself and the lovely machine were the only ones alive on this whacked rock.

SO! silly teague has to go home, brush her hair and teeth, change out of pj pants and throw a bear paw down the boys' throats, and go to the bank where i had to park, get the boys out, walk up around the corner, go INTO the bank, make small talk with the old dude trying to play with the boys, wait to use the machine after some dude who turns around to be a guy i've known since i was like, 14 or something. AWESOME. all before the blessed coffee that i have started to drink so i can make it through the mornings without regularly feeling like i could die at any given moment. andy said i looked good, but i refuse to believe him. i know for a fact that i looked like i weigh 170 lbs with my fleece pants and sweater under the coat gear to try and ward off the chill i had since ripping off the covers to get jared before he pulled down his poopy pants.

anyway, crisis diverted 'til next month. truck payment covered, insurances out the ying yang covered, late rent payment covered. i came home, made the transfers, made some waffles and eggs, and now it's play time before we head out to run more errands. shopping, tending to our friends' fish and frogs, parkification and a stroll. i'm gonna do some contemplating on how to earn some more money without taking away time from my family. that always will be the most important thing to me. family. not how much money my family has, or how big my family's house is, but FAMILY. doing my job, in other words. i will gladly take this little struggle if it means that i've been here when it matters and my kids aren't being raised by strangers. i think i might've pointed out before that i think that's what the problem with the world today is. kids raised by strangers and/or having too much time alone - i WON'T contribute to that.

i think i might get into some advertising on here if it could prove to pan out. that would mean any of you fabulous peeps out there reading this will have to click on to follow me. see, advertisers don't like advertising where people don't go. huh. go figure. no worries. i wouldn't have anything annoying, no pop ups, and no screen stealers. lemme know what you think, fill me in if you have any advice or tips, and KEEP READING!

oh yeah! i DID start reading 'this perfect day' again. almost done, and am in love with it all over again.