friendly neighbourhood blogger

time for a daily dose of me. you ready?

i have nothing fantastical to report...just some updates regarding certain things.

1.) carpet? it's gone, gone, gone! tharen installed some 'hard wood' laminate and it looks great. we just have to do the finishing on the room transitions and trim, then we're done!

2.) illnesses? well, you heard about jack in the hospital. it took him a few days to recover, but it was a little serious for a bit. given the history of e. coli infections and noro viruses, i'm glad i took him in to see a pediatrician. HOWEVER! jared got sick, only not as bad, and then i did! no wonder, with the amount of puke splatter i had the joy to partake with! i was out of commission for a handful of days and lost 10 pounds that i'm really not interested in finding. it's a good thing, because i needed a little trimming, but that tells you how sick i was for a few days! tharen actually had to stay in from work, and that bites. ...on a side note: i had a few people mention to me that i should feel lucky to have had that help from him. while i do, i can't help to think that the persons' snottiness towards me had more to do with their own wishes for their past lives. of COURSE my husband stayed home. that's how a good family works. pay attention to your own, which could really use the attention. i'm not about to feel guilty for having a good life, so get over yourselves. oh. and not eating chips anymore helps with the whole weight loss thing a lot.

3.) i am still me, and i feel the need to ask: how many digs does somebody get in before i grab my shovel? seriously? get on fixing your own life and personality fails. i'll fix mine. perception rules, so get your head outta your ass, wipe off the asshole attitude, and we'll get along fine. but that's just my opinion, and a bitchy one at that. if i want advice, i'll ask for it. i'm pretty comfortable with my own decision making skills, are you? again. perception rules. oops. i think i've been bitching too long. have you had your eye on the clock instead of being a good friend? i wouldn't time someone's epiphany scale. that's the tip of the ice burg, and seriously rude. wow. i sure am glad this isn't public yet.

4.) tharen's myspace! yay! still workin' away. he chose a name that i've mumbled about our family for years. a suprise for me, but i love it. no, i can't tell you, lol! i wish i could, because all you lovelies would be graced to listen....maybe one day.

5.) tharen's other projects - i haven't spoken much about, but there's the one in the competition i was talking about....seth, the singer and project leader, has asked me to do their myspace as well. now. can we understand why i'm a little hesitant? at first it was a little here, a little there, but now he wants me full on. i told him i'm wary of it, & he'd have to pay me for my services as well as tharen. HE says he's a close, personal friend of the weed fairy, and she pays accordingly. huh. contrary to popular belief, i DO in fact have too much to fill my days already and have squandered it away on the phone and computer too often! SO! everything i should be doing just keeps piling up, because i refuse to give up playing with the boys. i have to curb my phone appetite and go back to not answering the phone all the time....except for VIPs! (you know who YOU are!) but even still...that has to be tamed too, because before you know it, the day is always over!

6.) oh, one more forgotten rant: f.y.i.: talking about voting is NOT discussing politics. once more, i realize that the things people say to me have a lot more to do with their selves than me. fuck off with the righteous asshole shit already, and let's have a conversation like a grown up does.

my window is closing now...i have to go get jack from school, run errands, build on myspace, write a letter, make 4 phone calls, write two bios and compile a resume. fun times....but i like it. oh. then i should work on cleaning this place we need to do all this living in!

~

bad hard drive, ba a-a-ad!

i realize that i have some new followers, but my hard drive has imploded! i would SO love to be impressing my skillz on you now, but alas....technology bites! we humans must not forget that these wondrous machines were built by HUMANS! i choose to believe that you're entertaining yourself in my archives in the meantime. (!)

so my good friend the wizard is over fixing me up. i happen to be on his brand new little net book thing right now...well, it's not a net book...it's an 'ece pc'. I LIKE IT! i want one, i want one! i'm pretty sure that the wizard will have me up and running soon, but i have to admit, i was a little excited thinking of the new possibilities with all the 'blogging while camping' i could do! ....and at the beach...and in the yard....and while driving.....ah, mother's day is soooooon...(and i mean while tharen is driving, btw!)
my book will be born!

so, anyway, i just wanted to give a little update here...i'll be back soon. i regularly like to blog daily and take weekends off, just so you know. i'll make you laugh, i'll make you cry.

speaking of which, the crying thing....i have a cancer update and it sucks - sucks it huge. check the links to catch yourself up, and i'll fill you in when my operating system is systematically operating.

stay tuned, and take care...

p.s. if anyone runs into janis on here, tell her to call me! (damn it!) :) -byebye,netbook!

~

answer: no, i wasn't that näive.

a while back, i wrote a post about waylon's girl wondering if i had been that näive when i was a little girl [read: in my early 20's]. well, i've realized that i probably wasn't. mostly i came to the realization on my own, because i know myself, i know how my brain has functioned, and i recall the depths into which my mind had been stolen on several occasions. the difference between myself and ms. knowitallandthensome, is that i actually educate myself when i ponder.

when i wanted to learn about say, the music industry, i paid attention. i went to the library. i asked questions. i didn't spew half stewed 'truths' to the world because i was aware that i could probably be better informed. i still am that way. i think the person who thinks they know every absolute truth on one or many subjects is the dumbest one in the room. i am all for voicing my opinion, and do so regularly, but i will let myself learn - i actively seek knowledge daily. tharen even notices the antsy disposition that i have about myself when i haven't anything to read in the house...i'm pretty sure i mentioned not too long ago about how i re-read my favorite book?...and i'd do it again when i have to, and i will have to. wow, do i ever digress alot. OOP! the a.o.a.d.d. is flaring up again!

i usually don't even get into stating opinions if i'm not certain. if i AM certain, though? i'll debate happily. properly. i also happen to be a yeller, so when the rules of engagement get crossed, i tend to resemble my emulate, the battering ram. (be nice!)

while i realize i should be more like:




the intelligent player, slowly calculating...



when i get into it, i'm usually more like:



nudging you with my knowledge, to put it nicely. you've seen what they do when they fight, right? i'm awed by that power, and tend to feel that way when i whip my posts.
wow. that sounded kinky. cool.


being wrong isn't a character flaw. the flaw exposes itself when the character starts being an asshole upon realizing the wrong.

i'm comfortable with being wrong...i just never am! (kidding!) (sort of!) but still. i don't act like a tit when i am.

anyways, the thing that brought me to this post was a little blurb in today's paper titled, 'in the world of miss universe' by doug camilli. the first line reads: "seriously?" and i can't agree more. WTF is with the world today? i am SO gonna have to write the epic 'blog on my feelings about it one day. damn, why are so many of the kids of today so idiotic and self centered?!?

i guess miss dayana mendoza, 22, this year's reigning miss universe went to guantanamo bay to cheer up some US troops! what a good girl. i'm sure she pulled up with a full tummy in her air conditioned, chauffered ride feeling really good about what she was about to accomplish. i mean really! what lucky girl gets to say she's been to a place that *gasp* president oBAMa talks about? [one link to why i feel sick]

"um, i like, heard about some *hair toss* tortures and icky things happening here, and um, that's like, *hand up* wack, and you burly boys totally didn't deserve that! i'm not even going to listen to all the nasty things that get said about your bosses! those pictures are totally like, photoshopped or something retarded. my friend skylar does that for like, work! isn't mr. barrack like, closing this place or something? yay! *sky punch* so, you can go home, and everything will be sooo cool! i'm soooo excited for you! *clapclapclap* it's almost summerrrrrrrrr!"*jigglejiggle*

kidding. i don't know if that's what she said, but i wouldn't doubt it.

wanna know what i DO know? after her appearance, she wrote in her 'blog about it. you know, about how when you think of gitmo all you can see is how "relaxing, calm and beautiful it is there?" see the quotations? that's a quote.

anyway, this was supposed to be some light hearted sillybitch bashing, but fuck...am i ever sick of little minds. that's why i tend to stay away from people sometimes. well, alot of the time. this is one chicken that does NOT mind being alone.

here's a poem, copyright, ME!

Thinking without reason -
there's a psyche somewhere
indulging in the depths
into which my mind's been stolen.

The happenings inside my eyes
are i think the realease of the panic monger.
Maybe the day when they cease to stun me,
I'll be laughing in my face.

©cmdec'92

~

stupid girl

well. waylon's girl is officially retarded.
i really don't have much else to say about that except:
STFU, silly bitch!

have i mentioned that she's writing music reviews now? i wish i could send you the link to her blog so you could read for yourself how uneducated she seems with the whole music industry. she's taking well known facts and twisting them to have you believe she's just discovered the mystery to the music making machine.

she chose to do a review of tossing logic. stupid, stupid girl. first of all, she's been around for about 42 seconds. second, she don't know shit about shit. third, i wanna smack her.
yeah, the review wasn't glowing with pride for them, but it's more than that. where the fuck does a stupid little girl get the notion that professional musicians give a fuck what she has to say, anyway?

some TL story links for ya:
1
2
3

ah.
she shot her own foot. i shall enjoy...except for when i hear about how waylon feels when he talks about how she referred to his "thoughtless lyrics". i happen to be witness to that man crying in his notebook, that fucking little twat. i am so fucking done even bothering with that one. this is my prediction for the pretty little perfect thing ( i give it 6 years) :fuckin' tool is gonna have all sorts o' baby-daddies! yee-haw!
i betcha....i betcha....

...or this, 'cause our prep schooled casting couch star of the future can't seem to pay the rent... :

...but i could be wrong....and i'd feel so bad....IF i was wrong...

wow, so negative, hey? damn she pisses me off. not totally positive of why, but she rubbed me wrong from dias uno!

there's more on tossing logic in my blog....just search the 'band drama' tag or click the story links that i've ever so graciously provided! i'm sure there'll be more to come! patience, dear me....it can only be a matter of time. patience....he will have a new one to annoy us all soon. i'm sure. i hope. pleeze, gawd, make it so!

~

hopefully...

...some old codger, or perhaps simple sam, maybe even a basic betty - any with money to burn - will happen across my blog and feel inspired.

feel inspired to grant wishes, that is.

see, teague here wants to write.
about stuff.
for a living.
...or at least a comfortable, fulfilling existance.

maybe i shall score with the blog browsers and get straight to the source - a publishing house extraordinaire! (please, sweet jeezuz! i've gots lots of material, and loads to say!)

i wouldn't be able to endeaver this on my own for at least 5 years due to our crushing bill load every month. truck and loans are to be paid off by then, so i will have the funding to properly shop my brain wares.

publishing would be an egotistical dream-mare come true! one way or the other, it WILL happen. technically, it already happened when i was 21 or something in a poetry library. i entered a 'contest' and supposedly out of thousands of applicants, hundreds got chosen with me being a lucky one.

in reality, it was an actual book. my parents and i each have a copy and it's a great big thing. the publisher said my poem went along with their 'approved themes' because it was about god. what they didn't realize is that it was MY version of god; but it was published, and here it is:

We are innocent,
we are pure.
We pray to God
and he says, "Yeah, right. Sure!"

It comes to me in
the peak of the night
to play with my head and
leave me dreading the
inevitable fright.


I may be innocent.
I could be pure.
But if I ever prayed to God,
he'd say, "Yeah, right! Sure."

©cmsept'91 (me)

Wiki says: The archangel Gabriel serves as a messenger from God. he first appears in the Book of Daniel in the Hebrew Bible. In some traditions he is regarded as one of the archangels, or as the angel of death. He is also known as Saint Gabriel to some Christian denominations.

Christians and Muslims believe him to have foretold the births of John the Baptist and Jesus. Islam further believes he was the medium through whom God revealed the Qur'an to Muhammad, and that he sent a message to most prophets, if not all, revealing their obligations. He is called the chief of the four favoured angels and the spirit of truth, and in some views Gabriel is the same as the Holy Spirit. Gabriel also finds mention in the writings of the Bahá'í Faith, most notably in Bahá'u'lláh's mystical work Seven Valleys.

yeah. so anyway, it turned out that the company gave out scholarships and stuff, but i'm sure it was only to people who spent their $cashola$ on the things they were trying to sell. for instance, i got a letter from them saying that the cadence of my piece was suitable for audio recordings, and would i be interested in having my poetry orally recorded? all i had to do was buy at least one copy and i could be on it! oh, joy. yeah. i've got somethin' you can do orally...

no, i didn't go for it.

then, there was the 'best of the decade' publication, or something like that. same deal. that was when i stopped opening their mail. i figured, if it was important enough, they had my phone #, right? they could call, i could screen it, and we'd all be happy! needless to say, they stopped sending mail, and i didn't get rich off my musings.

a big part of the reason i didn't want to do anything further with it is because it was from a poem that i half stole from my cousin when i was like, 16! I, um, extended on her one stanza work? hers was good and mine was better, but i always think of that. lesson learned! they are different pieces in their own right, and i suppose i could say hers inspired mine, but i'm not sure. honestly, i don't really remember the circumstance clearly, other than that i had really admired a few lines she had written down.

i need something of mine in print. something of mine from beginning to end, wonderfully bound, and with an enticing cover photo. if you ever see anything with the name teague rossdale, buy it, love it, and then tell all your friends about it, okay? thanks!

teague
= gaelic ~ poet
= welsh ~ fair, beautiful

ross
= americanized version of jewish 'rose'

dale
= middle english ~ valley
= irish ~ blind

i take it to mean:

'poet of the roses in the blind valley'

...or something like that.p.s. if i had any idea how to use photoshop, these pictures would have been somehow merged!...or this one:

~

the "too freakin' cute" installment

all right.

i'm not really a girly girl, and i don't usually get fluttery over kitties & puppies. babies though? love 'em. all be it with reservation. i DON'T squeal, and they usually don't tick my biological tock, but i LOVE oogilee-googilee-ing them....and they love oogilee-googilee-ing me.

i saw this picture in the newspaper today and i tried to find an online copy to snatch with no luck, so i scanned it....i felt compelled to share, 'cause it's soooo cute.

(don't worry, the whole 'cute' thing doesn't happen often)
(unless it's from my kid....one day he stubbed his toe,

and when i asked him which one, he told me it was the roast beef one!)
(awww)

i'm done. here's the shot:


they're at a massage class in the netherlands with their mommies, and this is part of the cool down segment meant to simulate womb-like conditions. they call these the 'tummy tubs'.

now, is that cute, or what?

oogilee-googilee!

it's 11:11, do u know where your spirit guide is?

have you ever heard the theories behind number repetitions? through actual number patterns, or repeating sequences, people are yielding to the mental pressure [read: stressing] over some phenomena of angel guides that are around in this new age to assist us or something. well, maybe stressing about it is a little egregious. i didn't have enough time to totally dive in, so you can if you're interested. you could be interested. i don't know. maybe you know about it, maybe you think it's bunk. i choose to believe that 11:11 is an excellent opportunity to make a wish. have for some time, actually. i can't remember how it started.

google it, weed out the crazies, and there have actually been some 'credible' speaking done on the subject. one prolific speaker on the topic is uri gellar. i'm sure there's more to read on him out there, but i'm to lazy to do more than wiki right now. it's actually 9:30pm, wednesday, march 25th right now. nothin' special about that! right? right. i just crunched the numbers.

what i did gather was this: preliminary studies done earlier in his career at stanford research institute concluded that he had successfully demonstrated enough paranormal executions to warrant further serious study. the term "geller effect" was coined to refer to the particular type of abilities they felt had been demonstrated.
yes, he claims not to be psychic per say, but a mystifier. ok. good for uri. he has made a career of television and festival appearances. one could be so lucky...

anyway, the 11:11 premise is that you'll notice all sorts of electrical instances occurring.
seeing 11:11 as the time on your clock, for one.
no, no, no, not once, but over and over and over again!

~ that happens to me. it's 10:11 right now. (i've been googlin') that sort of counts to them, i think.


☼
street lights going on and off when you walk by.

~ i thought that happened to everyone. doesn't it?
☼

computer problems with power and stuff.

~ oh, you mean like MY computer that just happens to turn off for no apparent reason all the freakin' time? ...even though i've had the power supply replaced FIVE times, it still happens. coincidence?

oh yeah. did i mention that i LIVE in the wish house? yes. i do. my address is 1111, no lie.

this isn't my picture, but that's no lie.

some people get so passionate about it they'd get it tattooed! huh.

maybe that's why my spirit guides gave me the idea to publish at 11:11...?
marketing, baby!

lemme tell ya - i'm gonna have one helluva wish post on nov.11! (◄---see??)
11/11? *remember*

critics say it's a post-hoc analysis. that is, a study perceived after the fact, and with only that in mind. i'm not so sure that it's dredging for a conclusion to the 'experiments'! it just happens. trust me, i know. this is worldwide. odd phenomena it is, for sure. people have all sorts of things to believe in, and if they're thinking that this world is waking up, well, who are we to stop that energy? well, not me, but maybe you...i hope it doesn't stop.

~peace~

i lost five pounds!

oh, wait....that was just my sweaters....yes, sweaterS. no more f-f-f-freezing!

today was a beautiful, sunny day and i took advantage of it by working in my yard. back to one of my top favorite pastimes! i've been checking my plants with all the new growth and deciding where everything is going to go. i have this bamboo patch that i'm awfully proud of. maybe i'll post some pictures so you can be proud, too! ~kidding~ seriously, though, i'm a little dorky that way.

last year at this time all i could talk about is how i got
13 new hostas out of 4 previous pots!
yep -
splittin' hostas is where it's at!just so's ya knows: none of these pictures are mine.

i'm reminded of a home depot commercial from '07 or '08 where the husband and wife (presumably) are watching the outside thermometer and eagerly awaiting warmth. then, the second the expanding mercury hits the tube's 15° mark, the scene brightens and they go running outside their home depot bought french doors flailing their arms above their heads! setting up their home depot tables, cranking their home depot table umbrellas, planting home depot flowers in the home depot dirt filled garden, and firing up the home depot barbeque!

yeah. they got the idea from ME!

bring it on, lady nature!












"okay, teaguealeaguer, i'll see what i can do..."

anywhere between 20 & 30º will be fine, thanks!

didja see this?

google search "list fox news apologies", and you'll garner 80k hits. huh. jackasses. i have a youtube clip of the fox tv program 'red eye' which is broadcast in the very early morning alongside infomercials for the 'ab energizer' and the 'sweet 70's soul cd', so you KNOW it's good!
here it is :

link to competitive yankee jackassery (youtube) there's a whole gaggle of retards spewing!

oh, but he apologized!

link to somewhat acceptable excuse (if you're a redneck) which was conveyed during a cbc news report.

i don't even get upset with this "journalist" & his peanut gallery panel who are all simply ignorant...lol! gutfeld seems to be an aging loser who couldn't get a show if it wasn't broadcast in the middle of the night on FOX, for cryin' out loud! even americans know that FOXtv is crrrrrrrrrrap, and i'd say the people learned their lesson with bush! (all be it, the 2nd time around...)

[if you'd like to hear this david bowie song, 'i'm afraid of americans', scroll down to turn off my music player first...]



canada's defence minister peter mackay has slammed this dude, and the rest of the uproar is amusing as well. i mean, look at the google hits from today alone! whatta twit! greg gutfeld, i mean. i hate it when bullies use the 'comedy' cap. funny is funny, and we would laugh if it was funny. comedy would be defined as:

1. 1. A dramatic work that is light and often humorous or satirical in tone and that usually contains a happy resolution of the thematic conflict.
   2. The genre made up of such works.
2. A literary or cinematic work of a comic nature or that uses the themes or methods of comedy.
3. Popular entertainment composed of jokes, satire, or humorous performance.
4. The art of composing or performing comedy.
5. A humorous element of life or literature: the human comedy of political campaigns.
6. A humorous occurrence.

uh, greg? not funny. i think this could be just another installment for your comedy of errors, you bill maher wannabe.

whomever needs to do the blessing, get on it! bless that damned country, and let's hope obama seeds some intelligence down south! i'm pretty sure we (north america) won't be entering any more senseless wartime fracas...that is, unless the states try to bamboozle the world's population again.
i'm thinking that's not gonna happen under obama. barack may not be perfect, and i may not be an expert, but i know bullshit, and i calls 'em as i sees 'em.

uh, this would mean that the collective jackass module should remove itself and let the rest of us get on with life. i think...

as ghandi would say:

“Be the change you want to see in the world.”

please oh, please let the blogging gods allow you, sir gutfeld, to stumble upon this humble post. if you happen to find yourself here while cruisin' the net for the 'newest facebook app' or 'best believed excuses file', i'd like to ask: what WAS your intention? heh. did someone forget to do their homework, greg? dummy.

canada's military HAS made contribution to this hellish effort.








i don't support WHY they're there - i support getting everyone the hell home before more people die.
hey, good ol' USofA! what if some country invaded your asses 'cause too many of you are a bunch of war mongering, greedy fucks? not so pleasant, right? get off your stolen horse, america, and let's be friends, shall we?

~peaceout~

p.s. please, please comment at will!

technorati?

what's this you say?
i just claimed my url on the technorati site....huh!

apparently, i can complete my openid claim by posting, so here i am.
any suggestions for me?

a poem, if you will...

bear with me, friends...this is the first poem with nature as a stimulus that i have ever written, with a glimpse of the scene that inspired it....


Today is the Day I Awoke



Mossy trees
with ancient grace
towering up above me.
Chirpy birds
are feeding babes
ducking through clouds, they flee.

Dewey grass
perking right up
again greeting spring, I see.
Cool filtered sun
shyly peeking,
I have a commodity.

Crazy boys
on the other hand,
trash my reverie.
Bounding down
the puddled road,
abandoned sense of carefree.

Life awaits -
way far away,
saddled with calamity.
I awake -
now spring is here.
To nature I pay MY fees.

~teague2009march


(c) cb'09

i shall return.

a beautiful weekend was had by all

yes, camping was such an awesome time. aside from a little wind and rain for a while on friday afternoon, it was well worth the effort. the boys were having so much fun, but were wanting to come home to play video games! ha! gotta put the brakes on that, i tell ya! tharen has discovered a new easy way to be lazy! he just half heartedly plays the games while snoozing, and the time just flies! silly gooseballs! but hey! who am i to talk? the only reason i can type this now is 'cause my little jared dude is watching 'super why' while jack's at school!

speaking of which, i have this valuable opportunity to be cleaning up all the camping wares and here i sit, smelling something funny. that is IF you think poopy diapers are funny.

i think it's a sign. i'm gonna go get rid of the rotten butt atrocity, tidy the troops' travesties, and totally take advantage of this crazy caffeine cascade of continual colossal coolness. uh, i mean i'm gonna go clean the house.

i'll tell you my story later tonight. stay tuned, sillies...there might even be pictures! (link is not my picture, but just a fine example of the area we camped in) i'll figure out to put pictures up here...it'll be a first for this newbie. i've noticed on my lovely janis' site that the pictures sure seem to perk it up a bit. or maybe it's her new layout, i dunno. pictures, though...my god, was it ever a much needed, gorgeous trip. next sunday is supposed to be nice, too....

♪♫ i went to the library & what did i see? ♪♫

holy crap my new library is crap!

it's been closed months and months getting this new haul over and was supposed to be beautiful. it's cold, uninviting and unorganized! i read in the local rag that they had their grand opening last week and i was so excited to have this library open again. the other one takes 20 minutes to drive to...blahblahblah. this cookie was not impressed. maybe i'll like it more when they get their signage up to point out the different sections. i only had 20 minutes to run in and grab my treasures, and i was honestly a bit put off! they were way over budget and way past schedule, so i think it's safe to say that the public was expecting a little more! a lot more! it is bigger, so they better fill it up with better books! i used to have to request books from the other branch often, but alas, here's my reading list for the next few weeks:

how to self publish and make money - crook and wise

self publishing 101 - debbie elicksen

building a website for dummies - david a. crowder

the everything blogging book - aliza sherman risdahl

career building through blogging - deirdre day-macleod

the huffington post complete guide to blogging - editors of the huffington post

&&&
the links i found for these books are cool. i'm totally gonna check more of this dude's site...

the life of hunter s. thompson, gonzo
- jann s. werner & corey seymour, with an introduction by johnny depp

kingdom of fear,
loathsome secrets of a star-crossed child in the final days of the american century
- hunter s. thompson

ha! first chapter is: "when the going gets weird, the weird turn pro"

bye...we're going camping.
in march.
in the west coast rain forest.
i'm so smart.

oh! and i have to watch ER now.

was i that naive?

i just read a new blog from waylon's girl about music. fuck. um, what i have to say: duh.

i really hope she doesn't think she came up with those revelations all on her own....but she is young. painfully young....and i'm sure just making these discoveries. the thing that throws me off is that she's quite snobbish. quite. did i mention that she seems to be quite snobbish? yes, snobbish.

i have difficulty with this one. i have to stay as farrrrrrrrr away as possible while still remaining close. i just may say something i might have to think about regretting. it wouldn't be a nice situation for tharen's singer's girl to be my new whipping post - no matter how much ammo she gives me to use. there's so much already, and i barely know her. janis doesn't like her at all, so that doesn't help. i've told j. that she MUST be appropriate around her and then, if the situation requires, clamp my mouth shut with a bear trap so i don't wind up assaulting the young one with all my lovliness.

it makes me wonder about when i was the young one...i'm sure there's no way i ever could've been deemed annoying, right?....right? probably less annoying than now, anyway.

now, i'm just as right, only crankier.

purely a distraction...

hullo.
yay! jack is feeling better today! i was so happy to wake up from a pretty ok sleep to hear him happy. he's been up and about and giggly and silly and most importantly - NOT PUKING! i won't count my pukey chickens, though...there are still puke bowls placed conveniently about the premises. he had a piece of toast and some ginger ale for breakfast, and it all seems ok so far *touching wood*.

jared has an attitude today though, holy crap! maybe he's getting the evil sickness...and i don't feel too shit hot, either. but hey. i'm a machine, right? ...right? i'm pretty sure i'll be putting him down for a nap fairly shortly to let his little body do whatever it needs to do. besides, tharen will be home in the evening, and he is SO totally the one who's gonna have to worry about bedtimes tonight. that is - IF i even let him in the house. jesus, you have no idea whatta jackass loser he can be. hence, the distraction.

i figured i'd tell you about what else is going on in my life. it's what lucy was referring to when she made her first call in forever a couple weeks ago.

my brother's mother-in-law has cancer. the kick-you-in-the-face-and-cackle-while-you-die kind. she got diagnosed about a year ago with hodgekins or non-hodgekins....i'm not positive. whatever's worse, i guess. regardless, something's ravaging her body with a fierce intensity. she's probably not gonna win this battle no matter how much of a tough bitch she is. that may sound a little harsh, but her and i have quite a history. i'm having a hard time deciding how i feel about it. i mostly feel bad for my brother and his family. no matter how i feel about her, she's still part of their family and it must suck to see anyone suffer the way she is. i won't go into detail here, but trust me - it's NOT pretty.

milly's mom had a couple rounds of chemo over the summer and fall, but then caught pneumonia. she checked herself out of the hospital to come down to be with family for xmas and basically stayed in bed the whole time. then, after she got home, i guess they had to call 911 because she couldn't breathe. she was taken into the hospital, then med-evac'd to a hospital near here where they do her kind of cancer treatment. they did a body scan to find that not only had the cancer come back big time, but she also has a leaky valve in her heart. this means they wouldn't do another round of chemo until she has surgery on her heart, which she couldn't do because of the pneumonia. isn't that just the sourest pickle you ever plucked?


weekly body scans had become par for the course, and the next one she had showed the cancer is more aggressive than they thought. milly's mom decided to go for the chemo after being given two months to live. she then decided that if the weekly body scan showed no improvement that she wanted to stop treatment. i'm pretty sure she's since recanted that desire, but milly is still out at the hospital every day to visit her because she took a leave of absence from her job.

the money situation for them is screwy. milly's money won't start coming back in for another couple weeks, and my brother harry had to go back to work early. see, he was on e.i. for a perpetual bad back, but only recives 45% of his wage. with milly's cashflow m.i.a., he had to make sure nothing suffers, especially considering no one really knows how long this is going to last.....or what milly's gonna be like when her mom finally kicks it. they have two kids, 12 & 16, that need to be cared for and attended to, and harry doesn't get home until 6 or 7 every night. and even then, he climbs right into his 6 pack and a doobie while tending to the horses, chickens and dogs.

i tried to go out and give a hand and brought them a bunch of groceries, but that was short lived. see milly's family is crazy, and NOT in a fun way. there are so many stories i could tell, but honestly, i want to do my best to forget them. milly's been in our lives for 22 years now, so there's probably bullshit over flowing that pandora's box. there's just one unforgivable thing in particular her mom did that completely scars my view of people (mostly her). that's what's making it so hard for me to care about her. the karma kops'll get ya! milly's aunt is staying at their house, and harry thought it would be best if i stayed away for the time being. see, the falling out milly's mom and i had was a catalyst for that whole family's fuck ups to come boiling to the surface and they all had discord up until the cancer thing came about. i say if you don't wanna be classed as a classless fool, then have some fucking class. but anyway, that doesn't take away from the fact that i'm hurting for harry, milly, my niece and nephew. i may not be able to go there while milly and her aunt are there, but my first reaction was this:

*** (c) ***

heartstrings

i'm afraid to make the phone ring
for fear it will stop your heart
my parallel reality vicarious here -
tries to imagine, but withdraws with a start

never any past shall cross my soul in this
any request i will own
half my heart breathes in your house -
i shall due care as it is my own

with one step back i observe the race
and pray with a heart on loan -
for when the chips lay down &
you're on broken ground
that you'll know where your heart is going

(c) teague.
~cb'09~
(for milly)
***

so that's what's going on in other areas of my life, and why i have the pic i do for my profile. my heartstrings are stretched.